Posted by crushedout on February 4, 2004, at 8:04:49
In reply to Re: ok, now it hurts, posted by alexandra_k on February 4, 2004, at 2:46:07
thanks, alexandra. yes, i mean my T. i guess you may be right, but i'm not able to convince myself that we wouldn't have a good relationship in the real world. i wouldn't expect her to be my T. i wouldn't expect her to pay attention to me the way she does now. and of course i have no idea what the relationship would be like -- you're right that it could be a total disaster. but i don't know that that's necessarily true. it could be a beautiful thing.i wish i could be convinced of what you're saying because i think it would help me. that's not a challenge. i think it would be close to impossible for *you* to convince me. perhaps my t could. maybe i need to talk it through with her.
i did email her yesterday and told her what i was going through and we're going to talk about it on thursday (tomorrow). it's going to be very embarrassing and awkward for me but maybe it will help. she says it will. i don't see how it's going to but everyone keeps saying that so i kind of believe it.
> > I knew the good feelings couldn't last forever. Now I want to die. Why can't she be my lover? This is so wrong.
>
> Do you mean your T? (I do apologise if I have got this totally, horribly, embassasingly wrong... but if I am reading you right...)
>
> Transference is a hard one. I fall in love with every charming p-doc I see and if they wanted to do more than just therapy with me (even for just one night) I would be willing...
>
> Sometimes it feels like so much more than transference. I think that partly why it is so hard is that therapy is so intense. You take a risk and bear your soul - and to be taken seriously and cared about is the most wonderful feeling in the world.
>
> A good T should be attentive, and kind, and make you feel like the special person that you are. But remember that you only see her once per week. (or maybe more, or whatever....) What I mean is that in therapy the therapist (should) put their own needs and desires aside pretty much completely for the good of the client. You are the focus for that time.
>
> That would not, indeed could not be sustained in the real world.
>
> I am sorry. I don't know what to say. But the feelings you have are most likely so strong because she does focus on you so completely in the sessions... A real world relationship would probably be a severe disillusionment. It could not be an equal relationship. You would probably end up hurting and disappointing each other immensely.
>
> I am sorry that you are hurting so much.
>
>
poster:crushedout
thread:309129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309211.html