Posted by crushedout on February 4, 2004, at 7:59:23
In reply to Re: ok, now it hurts » crushedout, posted by lookdownfish on February 4, 2004, at 7:37:41
thanks, ldf,the only reality check i have makes me feel bad. it's a "she would never see anything in me" reality check. i don't think it's helpful.
unfortunately, i think she would be my ideal lover in every way. she's physically my type, she's the perfect age (11 years older), and she's clever, kind, and sweet. at this point, i'm so depressed because i can't imagine ever being attracted to anyone else. i guess this is probably transference, but it so much doesn't feel like it. it feels like love. like the best love i've ever found. and it's not just because she pays attention to me and is caring and makes me feel special, although of course that's a big part of it. i also worry about her and really want to take care of her. ok, i know that could be transference, too. but i've never been much of a caretaker in my life.
i think i do feel like this when i'm in the room with her. i guess sometimes i don't like her hair that much (she's been doing weird things to it lately), and sometimes her "insights" kind of fall flat and we're both left there feeling stupid and awkward. but that doesn't make me love her any less. it kind of makes her more lovable. because she's imperfect.
you did help, thank you. i mean, i still feel bad, but it helps somehow to feel less alone.
> Hi crushed. I'm sorry it hurts so much. As I remember, you have been doing really well and really dealing with your feelings for your T. I hope the way you are feeling at the moment is just a temporary set back. I have pretty strong feelings for my T as well and it sometimes hurts a lot. I try to remember that the way I feel is born out of what she represents to me - attention, care, consistency and safety, rather than who she is. Fortunately she is 30+ years older than me, so I can quickly remind myself that it is crazy to long for her so much. Is there any kind of reality check you can do? Can you really see you and her as a couple? Is there something she does or says that really annoys you? When you are actually in the room with her do you still feel like this? I find when I'm actually there, the feelings are gone, and she's just my therapist.
> Wish I could help.
poster:crushedout
thread:309129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309210.html