Posted by psychlover on January 11, 2004, at 12:36:22
In reply to Happy birthday Elle (nm), posted by gardenergirl on January 11, 2004, at 11:39:45
As someone who has spent time as both a client and a therapist, I find it interesting that so many of you are interested in your therapist's birthday. What is that really about?
It sounds like you are trying to make a personal connection with your therapist, and that is not really what the therapeutic relationship is about.
The job of the therapist is to help the client/patient to work out his or her own problems, not for the therapist to cure him or her or to replace some other person in the client's past or present life.
The role of the therapist is not that of a parent, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, a lover, or even a friend. That does not mean the therapist should not be friendly and warm -- he should --but the therapist needs to establish firm boundaries that make it clear to the patient that this is a professional, working relationship.
You should not go into therapy trying to make a new friend -- or more -- with the therapist. And a therapist should not go into practice thinking he is going to make friends or more with his clients. That is not what it is about. Of course, transference and countertransference are both normal parts of the therapeutic process, but they must be handled in a therapeutic way, which means examining what is behind what is said or done.
Generally speaking, I believe that a good therapist would not divulge his birthday when asked (of course it depends on the specific circumstances), but rather he should follow that up with asking why it is important for you to know his birthday.
Of course, a therapist cannot always avoid answering the questions, but really the therapy is about you as the client and not about him as the therapist. Anytime a therapist starts to disclose too much about himself to a client, it is time to find another therapist.
I think this may come as a surprise to some of you who have other expectations of what therapy should be.
poster:psychlover
thread:299282
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040110/msgs/299417.html