Posted by DaisyM on January 1, 2004, at 14:07:41
In reply to Re: Can we try this again » pegasus, posted by Karen_kay on December 31, 2003, at 16:51:12
<<<When I'm falling apart I just sit there and smile and laugh and tell him that I'm doing great. So, how can he really know that I'm falling apart? I guess I expect him to be able to know that I'm not OK. I mean other people in my situation wouldn't be ok, so why would I be fine? I'm just waiting for him to ask the right questions.
>>>Karen,
I've done a lot of reading about working with trauma victims,looking for that right question or technique that would allow me to unlock the feelings/memories and "get it over with" and move on. In fact a few months ago I intended to intentionally "flood" (emotionally) so I could be done with all of this. This really alarmed my Therapist when I told him because it can cause a pretty big crash. He *told* me to put that idea right out of my head! Then he explained why we circle around and around, let it go for awhile and then come back to it. As I've said, my present issues are no less complicated than the past so there is always plenty to talk about. There are no short cuts with this stuff. It is an unfolding process that takes time, and trust.
Therapists are not suppose to ask "leading" questions, that is how the false memory crap got started. There are still so many people who believe that recovered memories are all made up or implanted somehow by Therapists. So now Therapists wait for you to present material and they ask questions about that material to see where it leads.
And, there is a certain wisdom in not stirring up past events that are not currently bothering you -- they might never! (unlikely, but still) Some people have compensated very well and are able to keep the past buried -- I did it for almost 30 years. It wasn't that I didn't remember, I just *didn't* let it enter into my present consciousness. Triggers are complicated so there is no predicting what will set you off and when, if ever.
It helped me when my Therapist starting referring to "your therapy"...it made me realize that he intended to individualize treatment and that I should too. Which means I lead, or I tell him I can't about a certain subject and he will. But when I just tell him "I'm OK" he usually raises his eyebrows and waits -LOL. In the beginning he missed lots of hints and clues -- or maybe he didn't and he needed me to say what I was thinking.
I know he isn't a mind-reader (though sometimes I wonder) and I remind myself that if I was OK I would't still be seeing him.
So after all of this: Are you really mad at him, or at yourself? Anger is usually a mask for fear and what you are dealing with is hugely scary! Maybe you could think of talking about it in small increments. If you get 10-15 minutes of serious discussion going, or give a monolog of 10 minutes, be happy with that. Starting small will allow you to work up. When I first starting talking about the past I could only do it for a few minutes at a time. I would quickly get overwhelmed with the fear of telling and there were times when my Therapist actually stopped us...moving away from it so that I had time to calm down before ending.
You won't feel like this the rest of your life. You are dealing with it now, early on, and you will find the other side.
2004 will be your year! Have hope.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:294726
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/295399.html