Posted by DaisyM on December 23, 2003, at 13:56:06
In reply to Re: I'm still here. (long) » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 11:42:18
<<<(This was before I realized anything I now remember from therapy... I guess this is why it is so tough to think of him in this "new light". My dad was my world growing up. Strange how things change, isn't it?)
>>>Just remember that the "little" girl who loved her daddy is allowed to keep loving him. It is very hard not to let the bad stuff taint the good memories. That makes them no less good. You should not feel guilty for having them, for having loved your dad and for being sad about him being gone. It is probably even more complicated for you because you remember loving feelings for your dad and you can't actually access the feelings that go with the abuse you are starting to remember. So the two things, your intellect and your feelings, don't match. Your head says you should hate him, your heart says you love him. It will take time to integrate the two and yes, you can do both at the same time. You will probably begin to grieve the dad you thought you had and wonder if he even really loved you. While I can't say for sure, my guess is he did very much. You wouldn't have the good memories if he didn't. It is a struggle and a very long process.
Holidays are painful this way because everywhere we turn there are memory triggers. Be kind to yourself. I recommend peppermint mochas.
poster:DaisyM
thread:292631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/292837.html