Posted by DaisyM on December 23, 2003, at 11:00:35
In reply to Daisy. I miss you, posted by Karen_kay on December 23, 2003, at 0:54:48
Good morning...thanks for thinking of me. :)
I have been lurking and reading, just not up to posting until this morning. Actually, things are looking up some - - Saturday was really really scary, but my hubby is now on the upswing and breathing better. Plus most of my shopping is done and even wrapped.
I was so upset Thur/Fri at my Therapist that I decided to try to put it away and was pretty sucessful at it, except at night. (2am is a lonely time, isn't it?) Yesterday when I saw him, I swear, up to the minute I sat down, I wasn't sure I was going to say anything about being angry. But I took a breath and just said, "I left here last time and realized 1/2-hour later that I was really angry and it is all out of proportion and confusing."
He told me he was really glad I told him and we talked about how we ended. He immediately saw the switch -- my needs to his and while he didn't apologize he certainly came close. I told him I had thoughts of quitting therapy or at least cutting back because I had become really confused as to what I thought he and therapy could do for me. So many things in my life just can't be fixed. And they are getting harder to cope with. And I feel hopeless much of the time and very alone. But that thinking about stopping therapy made me even sadder.
He didn't even dance around this one, he said "I think those are the defensive voices going off again and I think this is such a new experience of letting your needs out that when you do they are fragile and can easily be stomped on, like what happened on Thursday." I started to tear-up and he was just soothing and gentle...I did ask him if we could trade lives for awhile. He laughed.
The best thing he said was that he thought I was brave (gee, a compliment!) and that therapy has to be thought of as a spiral -- it often feels like starting over again and again, yet each time you progress further. And he told me he was not going anywhere, he was going to see me through all of this and that I would probably get mad at him again and we would just talk it out. And that trust for me would be a continual rechecking process and that he wasn't frustrated with that, it was part of my healing.
*sigh* It was a really good session. I was surprised at how active he was but I think he sensed that I needed to borrow some of his strength to quiet the other voices in my head. He still wants me to come in tomorrow.
Maybe I'll take him some of the Therapist cookies. He would probably laugh.
I've been following your thread (above). I'm sorry you were pushed so hard just before he left. But, good for you for working so hard at it! I'm not sure I read it right, he wants you to describe your dad (appearance?) or the describe the trauma? Maybe you could try writing it out first. That way you can start and stop.
Thanks for all your support and the laughs. I keep wondering what I would do if I hadn't found this site. I monitored another for awhile but it was so harsh it frightened me. People were actually attacking each other over their strategies to deal with issues. (shudder) I guess we should thank Dr. Bob and his team for keeping this site "civil".
Sorry this is so long...I'm just thinking out-loud with my fingers.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:292631
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/292770.html