Posted by DaisyM on December 2, 2003, at 17:53:34
In reply to Re: Therapist gives in once again » zenn4, posted by Karen_kay on December 2, 2003, at 16:44:31
>>it is really hard for me to trust people
Karen,
Here is the problem, would be my guess. He may be trying to create a safe, non-threatening space for you, because this is typically the first task when working with someone with issues such as yours. You can't explore really painful things if you don't trust that you can get what you need (not necessarily want). Maybe you just don't know yet what you need to feel safe. So far what you've worked on what you want, which is to create a fun environment with a daddy.
He is probably letting you do these things for 2 reasons: 1) it is the fastest way to get off the topic, give in and move on. and 2) I read somewhere that one technique for compliments is to ask what the person wants to hear - and then say just that. This then makes them responsible for the word choice as well as the "what" to compliment. So they maintain the control.
Did you print out last week's post and take it in?? If not, can you see that using up your time over the compliment issue allowed you to not say the things you said here -- right?
I'm not trying to be a task master. I TOTALLY understand how hard it is to go back to hard topics. I guess you will when you are "ready". But you sound ready here -- and in order to avoid making "demands" on you (like your dad in the past) I don't think your Therapist is going to "make" you stay on topic. This is what you are going to have to do for yourself. Even if it is you saying, "I really need your help to start and stay on this track."
FYI, I had a friend who is a retired Therapist say all of this to me in a loving, supportive way, when I was avoiding my real "stuff" at the beginning of Therapy. I think I was telling her how hard all the details were for me. She just kept saying, "and how much time did that take away from the REAL issue?" It did make me think.
Just so you know, you've never looked more beautiful than you do right here -- words are the windows to our soul.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:285945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/286030.html