Posted by Eilidh on March 8, 2003, at 13:50:42
In reply to Half-Baked Suicide Plans Hospitalization, posted by LibbyH on February 27, 2003, at 2:12:16
Like you I presented a polished exterior to the world, but was hospitalised eventually by agreement because, also like you, all I could think was that I had to die.
While in hospital I eventually felt overwhelmed by the realisation that no matter how long I was in hospital, If I wanted to die I could eventually arrange it, and the only person who could keep me alive was myself. What a massive responsibility this felt, and it made me angry that even this was to be down to me.
CBT helped me to identify reasons as to why I should remain alive at the time. Since then, despite medication, I still have times when I return to the thought of taking my life.
You mentioned nobody missing you at work etc. I find this type of thinking very harmful for us and try to challenge the unhelpful thoughts. If I cannot do it myself, and it is not a convenient time to talk to a therapist, I try to find someone to chat to in an effort to divert my thinking for a while.I do anything but stay on my own so that I cannot take any action. I maybe lucky, as I know some people cannot leave their home at such a time, but for me it is a must.
Hospitalisation may well be the right action for you at this time to help reduce your stress due to your need to "put on a face to the world" but the assistance of a good CBT therapist is also essential. They help us to choose to stay alive for reasons we identify. CBT does not have all the answers, but can be very useful when the only thoughts we can create for ourselves are those of self destruction.
Please hold on until you receive assistance, whether it is in the form of hospitalisation, change of meds, CBT or all three.
I know you may find it difficult to keep in touch with the board, but please stay safe.
Eilidh
poster:Eilidh
thread:204244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030203/msgs/207152.html