Posted by mikhail99 on January 1, 2003, at 12:09:40
In reply to Re: Questionnaire for rating your therapist... » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2003, at 11:12:06
> OK, with so many no's, I went back and re-evaluated my answers. I think I missed the point on one question intially, so that brought his score down to four yes's.
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> One is completely my fault. We've concentrated more on how I experience feelings rather than what influences them because only now after seven years of therapy am I beginning to be aware of what I'm feeling in a real time way. That's not his fault. You can't work on why unless you know what.
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> I don't know that he relies on *sympathetic* platitudes, but he's got a real talent for pop-psych-speak. It took me a while to get him to stop sounding like Stuart Smalley, because it just made me want to laugh. He still slips back to it sometimes, and I think it's plain lazy of him. He does it so seldom with me now, that I'm not sure I should have answered yes. It's more like he would like to rely on platitudes but I won't let him.You crack me up Dinah with the comparison to Stuart Smalley! It must be hard to be in a session with someone who does that, it would be hard to take them seriously. oy.
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> But are your therapy sessions really planned (except Mikhail, I know yours aren't). I can't see how that would even work except for CBT or short term therapy where you get homework assignments. I usually come to a session with an agenda, but he rarely does. Of course an agenda would mean he'd have to have a good memory of what happened last time, and that's one of his real weaknesses. I recently told him something really really important that I had been holding back. We discussed it thoroughly during one session. I referred to it obliquely for a few sessions and was sooo impressed that he had the sensitivity to do the same. Then a few weeks later I referred to it directly and found that he had no memory of this life and death discussion. That made me mad (but hey - I knew it right away!). And I'm not telling him again, so there!!!
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> But really everyone. Is your therapist *really* less confused and bewildered by your problems than you are? I am sooo impressed. I think mine might be more confused than I am since I explain things so poorly that he doesn't even understand what I'm experiencing much less why. If he has any deep insight into why I do the things I do, he sure hasn't shared it with me. For years he conceived me as being schizotypal and having a limited capacity for feeling. Only now after we've finally began to access the feelings better does he say that he would no longer think that my emotional range was limited. Admittedly (and as my Sunday School teacher said just last week) I am not your average person. And he seemed to have a grip on the OCD and depression. But beyond that I can't get the feeling that he has any mental health training special knowledge or understanding. More like we're trying to figure it out together. That's *really really* not the norm? If not, how do I know whether it's me or him? I went for an outside consultation once with a psychiatrist who seemed even more confused than my therapist. Of course it was only one session. And I went to a psychologist for testing once. Frankly, it seemed that I scared her with my level of pathology (the part that cropped during the feedback sessions). I asked my therapist if she gave him her condolences when she discussed the results. He just laughed but didn't deny it and months later asked me about some things that she said I had said. I hadn't actually said those things and realized that my problems communicating had interfered again without my even knowing it. I kind of wished he had asked me at once because now I wonder what else she told him and he has chosen not to share. :( But those experiences don't make me feel like someone else would have the answers.I too, feel like I explain things poorly and that has my therapist perplexed from time to time but he usually gets past it. I have to wonder (and I maybe totally off base here) if your therapist isn't somehow trying to make you work harder at expressing yourself (which is not to say that you don't work very hard, how could I know that?)? As far as the pyschologist who did the testing (and reported back to your therapist), I don't see how she could really get a thorough picture of you, even with the test. I wouldn't absolutely trust her opinion after meeting you only once. And perhaps that's why your therapist hasn't mentioned it either, he doesn't put much stock into what she thinks because it was a one time meeting? It's so hard when you're dealing with "experts", you want to believe and trust them but you know as well as I do, that not everyone with a degree in psychology is fit to evaluate or work with people. I've learned from that book "In Session" that you recommended that there really isn't any standard when it comes to psychologists. If it's really bothering you, why not ask your therapist what he thinks of her and the testing she did?
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> OK, I laid it all out. Do you guys have any opinions as to whether he deserves a low rating? I do sometimes wonder if he has the appropriate expertise in my particular problems (beyond the obvious ones like OCD and depression).Have you ever talked to him about his training? That book (I know I keep mentioning it) recommends asking all KINDS of questions when you meet your therapist. I had to laugh because it never occured to me to ask about his training, his beliefs, his expectations, etc.
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> (Sorry this is so long. It's an important question, given the time and money involved, and I was just wondering what other people thought and wanted feedback. But that means giving the details.)
Don't apologize, the details are important. And it is a lot of time and money. The only thing I can suggest is that you discuss these things with him. If you're not feeling 100% confident of his abilities, do you think that might be interfering with the process?I hope some other people can give you better recommendations than I did. I guess that's the cool thing about posting, you get such a rich variety of experiences when people respond.
You've probably mentioned it but when do you see your therapist again?
Mik
poster:mikhail99
thread:1989
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2005.html