Posted by kerria on September 1, 2005, at 22:32:22 [reposted on September 3, 2005, at 3:28:32 | original URL]
In reply to Possibly triggering advice » kerria, posted by Racer on September 1, 2005, at 13:03:08
Hi Racer,
Thank you so much for responding- i'm so much in need of a way to think about everything- the way i think now doesn't leave room for hope.
i never told the pain management dr my diagnosis of DID. i think that he found out because he asked to speak to my psychiatrist- a while ago- but it's my speculation- it may not be true. i just don't understand why he's treating me so terribly.
i was referred to this pain Dr through my GP, and maybe there was something sent from him but i never told him that i had DID either. (NOW i remeber- my med charts from the MAYO clinic and other drs are FILLED with sayings about me"She appeared anxious and pale, a thin build- and focused on medication to 'get out of pain." All kinds of unfair and derogatory statements fill my medical records.
i never told anyone in the world IRL- except when filing for disability and my H found out when i had to go inpatient once.
:( i can't help what this dr already knows but i never have discussed my mental health issues with him - only responded to questions that he asked me- as, yesterday - he asked if i was taking an antidepressant (i was crying when he told me i couldn't have the medicine that gets me out of pain).
It was my goal never to let anyone think i had any psych history- even anxiety or depression. i always write or check 'no' on the health history intake forms. i used to be a dental assistant and i know how the dentist talked about persons who checked 'yes' about having any kind of mental condition. There is no way to get fair treatment for pain especially with a pain control dr.
This dr claims that the government- the DEA , is giving him a hard time because the direct cause of pain is not understood in a diagnosis.
He wants to treat someone with 'terminal ovarian cancer, ' etc.
Racer- i do talk to this dr like you said, focusing on the pain but he wants the cancer diagnosis- nothing less than that will do i think. It bothers him that i have a psych dx. i had the conversation about "It's not psychsomatic pain. " with him. he sees my elevated blood pressure. He's treated many persons in pain and knows i'm in pain. he doesn't want to be involved in the trouble to treat me. Maybe the DEA is throwing extra forms his way and i'm not worth the trouble.
It's so horrific what he puts me through every two weeks now- i can't manage it anymore. i know he makes it hurtful and humiliating on purpose and that's against patient rights.
i have no patient rights because i don't have a diagnosis that decribes cancer pain, etc.
i hope to be treated by another dr- a gyn oncologist that offered to treat me. i have to wait and trust that he will help me.
it's so hard to struggle with so much- it feels like i'm not going to make it. i called T yesterday in crisis and T didn't call back. There's no support from anywhere.
H isn't interested in seeing T with me. He helps me get the medicine and that's it. He doesn't belive in DID or treatment although he sees my parts.
i'm very much worse since my dx was told to me. We struggled before but not like now.
My life has gone so down hill. Therapy for DID hasn't made me better - i'm a lot worse now than i was five years ago- before i had therapy. i'm sorry about ever getting therapy and that anyone knows i have DID. Not one good thing came because of that. There's no end to the heartache,i told T that today and he became so defensive- as if i was blaming him- he said quickly in anger "You were like that before i met you."
The whole DID therapy , treatment- or whatever you call it has made me so much worse. i wish there were a way to get back the last five years and FORGET. Really forget everything. It didn't work for me and it made important people like teachers and drs treat me so unfairly. Nothing good was gained at all. Now i'm marked forever.
Sorry to vent- i just had this all out today with T. It really bothered me how he's so so defensive and it's MY life that's ruined and it's ME that has untreated pain- not him.
What the heck does T have to be so defensive about? i just don't get it.
My H is threatening to leave and defensive of his schedule- he doesn't see my great need as being that important.
Yes, it sucks but that's what's going on. Still, having him come next time will prevent much of the abusive statements of the dr. No Dr will say things like that or treat my pain as unimportant in front of family members.
Everything is so hard. i wish i could leave this life without having to die.
thanks for trying to understand, it means so much now. No one listens mostly, anywhere and it's so hard to be in this place.
Take care,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:550207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/health/20050411/msgs/550221.html