Posted by ElaineM on November 24, 2006, at 21:51:41
In reply to Re: Sorry I'm only making ppl hate me more » dreamboat_annie, posted by Deneb on November 24, 2006, at 20:08:23
>>>>>>I don't know what I did wrong.
For me personally Deneb, it's not about *doing* something wrong. You can do or say or believe whatever you like or need - but I'm just saying that I will also do the same. The fact that I may need to distance myself from certain topics doesn't reflect what I think of your person as a whole, or your humaness. Did you know that people can disagree and STILL like each other? It's a "grey" concept. Sometimes if you only see things is black and white the world seems more hostile (or even *only* hostile). Learning to be able to see the "inbetween" is a part of DBT (incase you were curious). Also, a "bad" person can do "good" things, and a "good" person can do "bad" things. Nobody's spilt into one extreme - nobody is either only one or the other. (that's another grey). That's the type of stuff you learn when doing DBT. You don't need to rehash the past or anything. You don't need to analyze old patterns either. You learn how to function in a more adaptive way for the future. I think that's a lovely idea personally - reclaiming your future, and opening more possibilities, and paving the way for moments of blessed neutral-ness. [Okay, jeez, I'll roll my eyes for all of us ;-)]
But seriously, what if learning new techniques of reflecting and interacting and behaving, what if that freed you up to more fully become the person you are, what if it made your personality flourish, what if it helped your best characteristics stand out even more, instead of erasing it like you fear therapy would. What an awesome "what if".I will never give up on you as a person, but something I've learned in my own therapy is that I can't be responsible for another's actions or their emotions. It's not my job. My job is Me. And it's not your job to take care of me, or anyone else here. We're all grown-up adult women [and men too]. I'm kinda young, but I'm an adult. You're a bit younger than me, but you're an adult too. I'm sure a few others are younger than you, and they're also adults. And that's a great thing - that means we can decide what our own actions are. No one can force you to try another T, as though you were a child - but nobody can STOP you either. I don't know, personally I find that a liberating idea. The best part is, when I finally do something right amid all the cr@p I make myself end up in too, then ALL the credit goes to me, because (even if I didn't reach the goal alone, or whatever) *I* alone set it in motion. Adult Me alone. :-) And it feels good. ANd you can have good feelings too. But just to finish my long-winded point [are you sure ya want me posting to you? ;-)], I will have to avoid content I find jeopardizing to me. I'm enough of a head-case already, you know? And recovery is precarious enough of a thing. But that doesn't mean I won't be able to post to you on other topics, or on the other boards.
One last point, just if you wanted to know, a therapist would stay with you in a different way, through difficult stuff/topics/language/behaviours/etc. that I (and/or other) regular old civilians (most also patient/clients) need to take a step back from for our own mental and emotional states. That's the great thing about T's - they're like a pair of ears that are always there, and you can never say anything "wrong". Anyways, just thought it'd be interesting to know.>>>>>If people don't believe that I will do it, I'll only have to prove them wrong.
I'd believe anyone who says that they can harm themselves. I know they can. I know some do. I'm sorry you feel so little for yourself. It must be a scary feeling to use your life as a threat. I'd like to find some Crisis Contact numbers for your city. Sometimes they are listed in the back of the phonebook, you can look those up to help yourself. You can learn to cope with suicidal thoughts by talking to your pdoc about them, or a therapist, or another helping professional. However, I don't feel safe being involved in conversations where someone threatens their life based on others potential actions - because I'm not equiped with the skills to deal with that. It doesn't mean I want you to do it, or think you're a bad person, it only means that I personally don't want to be involved in such a situation.
>>>>>I don't think I will ever develop skills to deal with that.
Most of us didn't do it on our own. If a person's one of the lucky ones, their parents taught them most skills. But for various reasons (not *always* the fault of parents) skills somtimes don't develope, or aren't absorbed, like they're "supposed" to. That's when people go to therapy. Therapy is really like a schoolroom that way - and you can't learn without a teacher. So if stuff isn't learned through growing up as a kid, then, being the adults that we are, we take it into our own hands and put ourselves in an enviroment where we will. We initiate the process ourselves. For one thing, we can sign ourselves up for therapy. ANd when you do that as an adult, it's easier to understand the concept of accepting the person you are at the moment, while working toward making positive changes for the future. Like: I'm a good and worthy person doing the best I can with what I have at the moment, who ALSO must make changes in the way I'm functioning to make sure I have a less chaotic more functional future.
You can learn only if you want to. It's up to you. Only Deneb can change Deneb's life. I've learned you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. But, I believe that deep inside you do have the strength to be that vulnerable and that brave. So even though this is my final post to this thread, I do wish you luck and I hope that you'll do what is best for you in the long run because I wish you less pain.
best, EL
(and i meant what I said, I'll always be around on this board if you ever reach a point where you want to chat about, and are working towards, recovery [from ED or anything else])
poster:ElaineM
thread:703525
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20061124/msgs/706916.html