Posted by Maxime on August 3, 2006, at 19:54:39
In reply to Re: Trigger - I NEED to get to my low weight » Maxime, posted by Racer on August 3, 2006, at 0:40:33
> Ugh. I hate to say it, but I can empathize with you in an unhealthy sense... I wish I could get my weight back down, although I'd settle for a good deal more than my lowest.
>
> I think.
>
> I'm feeling so overwhelmed with life, and I keep coming back to, 'Ah, but I could handle this if only I were thin again...' I know that's part of what's triggering me. (That, and I'm a bit depressed again...)
>
> Do you know what's triggering you? Can you think of what need you're trying to fill? Any chance of finding some help, maybe a support group?
>
> Good luck.Hey Racer.
I think it's because my life is a shambles. I am not working ... can't find any. I am in debt (up to my eyeballs). I am depressed and suicidal. Suddenly I feel like I am TOO MUCH. I take up too much space.
Also my pdoc hasn't been HEARING what I am telling him. Sometimes I think I starve myself so that I can show my pain. If I get thin enough maybe he will see how much pain I am in.
I haven't been eating much except raw carrots during the day and a few mouthfuls of yoghurt. I am abusing ephedra. I am abusing laxatives (as a form of self-injury). Am I losing weight? Nope. Metabolism is so messed up. So it FREAKS me out to think that I am eating less than 200 calories a day and not losing. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I ATE????
Support groups are bad for me ... I WANT TO BE THE THINEST. I get triggered very easily.
I'm holding on this eating disorder so tight. I've been exercising like a mad woman! Well I am mad ... in both senses of the term.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way as well.
So many people die from eating disorders ... but it's usually from suicide. I can see why ... it drives you mad.
Maxime
poster:Maxime
thread:672989
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/673374.html