Posted by ElaineM on July 12, 2006, at 16:10:11
In reply to What does 'FAT' mean?, posted by Racer on July 11, 2006, at 23:00:24
I agree with what everyone has said.
To me fat means: an aesthetic mess, squishy, train-wreck ugly(so I think that people are staring at me), unworthy of pity or kindness or love, unappealing to men (guaranteed forever-single)[even when males say they don't like super-skinny women].
I guess mainly, for me, fat means un-female. And being un-female when you are supposed to be one, means you're barely human. I feel like a table, or a rock. Definately not alive. I really feel like I don't want to exist being as big as I am now.
I too, didn't feel like I was so horribly ugly when I was really sick. Even when people would walk by and say "Ewww, did you see how skinny that girl was", I'd be proud. Now I feel so ugly, that I fear if I fell down (from my physical illness) that no one would even stop to help me. I sometimes even worry that my fatness is causing my illness (though I've been told that it's not possible).
I try and not worry about weight so much, now that I've lost my physical health, but I just can't help it.
I guess I use FAT to explain away everything bad in my world. Maybe I do that cause I think that, if I were really thin again, I would be able to handle all the cr@p thrown my way, better.
Who knew so much could come from a three-letter word!
ELaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:666231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/666415.html