Posted by muffled on December 19, 2010, at 11:58:41
In reply to Re: being helpful and encouraging, posted by Dr. Bob on December 18, 2010, at 16:11:08
> > Why pick on one "although you were rude to me" when the rest of the post is helpful and encouraging?
> >
> > Maxime
>
> > I guess it doesn't matter what the main message or majority of content of the message was, it just takes a small statement that violates the rules to get a warning and subsequent block.
> >
> > morgan miller
>
> Yes, even a small statement can lead someone to feel accused or put down.
>
> I expect everyone to be civil all the time. Respecting the speed limit most of the time doesn't mean we get to speed the rest of the time.
>
> BobI haven't the time to go thru the whole sequence of events, and I don't know of the posters involved relationship w/each other, so I could be off base.
But taken on what I have read in this particular thread about this...well :( It does seem to be a prome example of one of the things that REALLY bothers me (and likely others) here at this babble forum.
There's three aspects that come to me.
1. the lack of warning. If this had been me, I would have been shocked and hurt at a block in this circumstance
2. that an actual BLOCK for something that really isn't a major infraction
3. And all would have been MUCH better served if it had been let go and have given the posters the ability themselves work it out, or at least have the opportunity to do so.WE ARE NOT PERFECT. We WILL screw up. And sometimes there ARE fights, and you know what?, they blow over, they pass, and things settle again. Utopia is NOT achievable here on earth.
And in trying to achieve some utopian place, all your are making is a scarey place where NOONE can live up to these rigid standards.
I know I can't, and that frightens me.
I think the worst of it is the shame for me.
And the sense that you don't think of me as having the intelligence/ability to sort out my mistakes with others. NO, you would just banish me away like an incompetant fool who has no brain, so I must be just sent away.
Can you not see Bob that there are in fact MORE negatives in this particular scenario?
That its just punitive, and maybe is 'supposed' to teach....but what does it really teach? Its like smacking my kid upside the head when he calls his sister 'stupid'. What does that teach my child? So I GUIDE my son towards a better resolution, I don't smack him in the head, I give him the chance to make a better decision.(well...being not perfect, I can't say I have NEVER smacked my kids....:-0!!! I been known to give them 'flicks' in the head lol, and those can hurt!).
But seriously, Bob, I wish SO bad that you could understand what so many of us are saying about your methods.
You are ruling by fear, rather than kindness.
:(
I don't know how to make you understand.
Maybe you need to read up on child trauma, and adopting these kids, and how to work with them etc....you'd learn alot about how to work with ALL people reading this material...
I wish I typed fast like Soltice and I could have time whislt my brain is functioning well, and outline what I think to be more gentle yet effective parameters.
But really, I have tried so hard in the past, and you never seem to 'get it'. And here I am still trying....
Anyhow, got to go.
Best wishes in this season.
M
poster:muffled
thread:973900
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101201/msgs/973989.html