Posted by Dr. Bob on August 15, 2010, at 23:18:17
In reply to Re: wording of public 'rephrasing requests', posted by Dr. Bob on June 22, 2010, at 21:46:01
> > http://www.psychsight.com/ar-shame.html
>
> from the "Healing Shame" section of that page:
>
> > Replace shame with mature guilt. Guilt has often received bad press, and well it should--if, and only if, you are talking about neurotic guilt--guilt that self-flagellates and changes nothing. If you are talking about mature guilt, then guilt is one of the great inventions of nature. For mature guilt lets you know what is unacceptable, and offers you opportunity to do something about it. Shame, on the other hand comes to you as a feeling so deep and so incapable of your getting a grasp on it that it seems there is nothing you can do. To illustrate: John feels shame that he is not the sort of person who can ever excel at his work. Whatever happens, a demotion, a "blowing-out" by his boss, he senses that this is because he is "basically inadequate," so he hangs his head and lowers his eyes and dampens his energy. Finding the "smarts" and the courage to re-evaluate himself as "guilty" of inertia and poor training, he begins to create and achieve goals that are possible for him. So if he sets certain standards, and then if he doesn't achieve them, he can rightly feel guilty that he is failing and can increase his efforts to succeed, or redefine his goals. He has moved into consciousness that his worth can be defined by realistic possibilities, not by the un-focused and "hidden" demands of shame-making expectations.I've been reposting the above a lot lately. And now I see:
> Despite the bad reputation it has acquired since perhaps Freud, few emotions are more socially productive or personally beneficial. Let's not hold it against guilt that many people can't distinguish it from its evil twin, shame.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704271804575405474013460144.html
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:951716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100714/msgs/958778.html