Posted by Lou Pilder on June 26, 2010, at 17:51:57
In reply to Re: wording of public 'rephrasing requests' » Dr. Bob, posted by violette on June 26, 2010, at 17:00:10
> "Do you see my requests as more shaming or guilt-tripping?" -Bob
>
> Hi Bob,
>
> I see the manner in which you ostracize a person as shaming. My conclusion is based primarily upon what I learned from reading Bradshaw's work; your requests are similar to how some abusive families shame its members. It seems like an odd policy for a mental health professional to employ on a mental health related forum.
>
> Some people might not be familar with, or do not wish to know about the possible effects of shame on their inner state, though others have provided examples of that awareness. It would be ideal if everyone who experiences your ostracization turned the situation around to a positive. And although I have no one particular in mind, it could trigger new members...in addition to regular members who may or may not be silent about this....Some newer members may be new and not realize making 'generalizations' in casual speech or pointing out, for example, someone who posts with bullying intent, are uncivil acts.
>
> As for me personally, I'd rather individually address someone directly to settle a conflict or potential conflict rather than asking you or being forced to accept your 'coming to the rescue'. I've done it before and have seen others do it without escalations. I've seen alot of apologies to one another recently-to clarify misunderstandings or perceptions of negative feelings associated with mere disagreements. That seems to work, though I can certainly see how things can progress to greater conflict.
>
> I've said it before and I'll say it again, I realize you can't make everyone happy here; but, at the same time, some of the administrative policies here seem way "off" to me.
>
> When I use this forum, I can't help but think about the potential harm to others who may (or may not) already have internalized shame/self-worth issues, and am just trying to prevent that from happening in the small way that I can or possibly can. Thanksviolette,
You wrote,[...some of the administrative policies here seem xxx yyy to me...]and [...trying to prevent...]
I am unsure as to what policies you are meaning. If you could post answers to the following, then I could have the opportunity to respond accordingly.
A. Are the policies that are xxx yyy listed in the TOS here?
B. If so, could you list those here? If not, what are they?
C. In any of those that you may list here, being xxx yyy, what criteria do you use to make the determination in your thinking that they are xxx yyy?
D. Could, in your opinion, the policies in question foster a {false harmony} to some members here?
E. In your opinion, could the policies in question cause depression to some members here, or prevent a person from recovering from depression. If so, could you post your opinion here as to if shaming could harm other members here that are not part of the discussions involving the adminstrative actions in question that are xxx yyy?
F. Are you aquainted with the writings of Dory Hallander, PhD (Psychology)?
E. Other questions if answers are posted here.
In,[...trying to prevent...],
F. redacted by respondent
Lou
poster:Lou Pilder
thread:951716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100321/msgs/952289.html