Posted by Dr. Bob on July 15, 2010, at 13:07:15
In reply to Re: Why people leave... » Willful, posted by brokenpuppet on July 13, 2010, at 20:04:53
> I left because I eventually felt drained by trying to respond to a lot of suffering without any sense that my responses helped. ... it was really hard to see them go through the same thing week after week after month.
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> I think that might happen to a lot of people-- or other people don't feel helped and give up, or start feeling better and just drop away when they don't feel as needy. People seem to look for something from a site like this, and when that particular need isn't met or isn't there any more, they drop away.
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> One problem that sort of distressed me was how intermittantly Bob and the deputies would get involved, which added a lot to the chaos and sense of unfairness of the rules.
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> A simple formula of the kind Bob uses might be necessary if a machine were running the site-- but imo human beings should have more careful responses-- and it just felt really kind of dehumanizing to see how the blocks were calculated, because the formula generates very long blocks despite what may be minor infractions
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> I've tried the other obvious places, but I find them really much less sympatico than this place, for all its faults.
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> Willful> When I did post, I felt like I got great responses from very sweet, intelligent and considerate people
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> I do agree that it is hard to see a lot of suffering and feel like you can't really help ... I think it just means that we all have to know ourselves and how to deal with triggers and to look after ourselves first before we try to help others.
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> my reasons for leaving are to do with trust. yes, it is an issue I have struggled with all my life. from what I've read about the 'twitter/facebook' drama, I was left feeling like Dr Bob didn't take into consideration the posters and their feelings ... which in my opinion should have rated higher than whether the site gets more members / rates higher on google etc. I also don't agree with (or understand) some of the 'civility rules' and blocking ... it does feel a little inhuman / machine-like to me as well.
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> another aspect I am uncomfortable with is my comments being able to be used in any research / article etc. I did read and agree with the disclaimer when I signed up but I still have these warning bells at the back of my mind and I feel like I should listen to them.
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> I don't do so well with confrontation so I've been tossing and turning on whether I should say what's been on my mind or not...
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> brokenpuppetI agree, it's great to support others, but important to take care of yourself, too. One way to take care of yourself may in fact be to drop away from time to time. It can take a community to support a poster.
Would posters get more of a sense that their posts help if other posters awarded them points?
My ego likes it when Babble rates high on Google, but it's also important for Babble: some posters do inevitably drop away, so if there aren't new posters, well, you can do the math. And new posters find Babble through search engines like Google. I think that's how most of them do, anyway. How did you find Babble yourselves?
Posts here are public. That enables them to reach (and to help) more readers (who may then become posters). But that also means having limited control over how posts are used. The Facebook and Twitter icons are like visual warning bells. Some posters may "listen" to them, feel uncomfortable with the risk, and stop posting. Others may just post more carefully.
There's a dialectic between being human (using judgment) and machine-like (being consistent). In baseball, the umpire is human, the system machine-like (three strikes and you're out, even if the third isn't any "worse" than the first two). Dealing with machine-like systems can be a life skill, and something Babblers help each other with.
As much as I'd like to see posters run Babble, I do think it's been disruptive when I've been around less, so I'm trying to be more present again now.
Thank you both for sharing what your experience here has been like. I'm pleased that though there are issues here, you find this community simpatico and its members sweet, intelligent, and considerate. :-)
And brokenpuppet, I'm glad you feel here that you can try out being more assertive. :-)
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:953893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100714/msgs/954584.html