Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on June 22, 2009, at 12:03:12
In reply to Completely unofficial explanation attempt » Amelia_in_StPaul, posted by jane d on June 22, 2009, at 8:55:40
Hi Jane,
Thanks for the reality check!!! Really, it helps to have this third party view of things. It also helps to suggest that I not regard the warning as negative. It's true--it is helpful to know what is acceptable here and not. I have felt suddenly overwhelmed in the last couple of days with the rules and understanding what is what.The uncivil warning re: reply to Garnet. It was in a new thread down below that (and subsequently moved here). It was about how challenges can be supportive but not within civility guidelines. I guess I am assuming that the warning was in regards to that post because that was a supportive challenge to Garnet--to get away from psychodynamic therapy and try something else. So I don't know. Maybe in the end it doesn't matter.
Hey, Jane, I also wanted to say thank you for your support re: my posts and their content. I meant to say that to you in your post above, but felt exhausted by this whole thing, so didn't. Anyway: thank you.
Yeah, those "I feel" statements.
Ha! I have seen that--the motorist with his (or her) just deserts.
This reminds me of a totally unrelated thing that happened the other day. (Warning: trigger: potential but not actual death.)
We were driving down this street, when we saw this lady leaning over a guy, sort of poking him a little, evidently concerned he was dead. He was lying under a bench and, well, he looked dead. It was awful. We were trying to go this restaurant that, turns out, is only open during the day So we had to go back the way we came. As we were turning around, we heard ambulance, police, etc., and new they were headed over to the man. As we drove by, we saw that he was still lying there. He really looked dead. He wasn't moving. I was prepared to see them lift him into the ambulance on a stretcher, when all the sudden he popped up, like a flower after rain, and as though he just had a light sleep and felt a new spring in his step. Sirens didn't rouse him. Random people poking him didn't rouse him. But the sound of a police officer's voice suddenly did. It was kind of hilarious. Not the situation, but how he just popped up like that. Everyone walking by concerned about him and he just pops up like that, like a new flower. Hilarious.
Thanks, Jane
> > I feel really frustrated right now. I am having trouble understanding why I am reminded about civility but others aren't
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> Amelia,
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> It's important to remember that this is a site with part time volunteer moderators. Not every post gets read. Just because nothing is said about a post does not mean it's OK. Therefore it is not safe to assume that since you've seen someone else "get away" with saying something that sounds objectionable to you that you can do the same. It's not all that different from the rest of life that way.
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> >>(am I not "being put down" when twinleaf says that I am not "thinking in a fair and accurate
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> Well, given how that phrase "fair and accurate" is being used these days I'd say you're not. ;-) Seriously, those words made me smile when I first read them.
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> >>I am also unclear as to what was a put down or accusatory in my post just now. I was responding to things twinleaf was saying, not to twinleaf the person.
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> I don't think there's a problem with asking for clarification. I expect you'll get one from the deputies.
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> >>I am still baffled by what about my original post to garnet was challenging in a supportive way, yet not really in accordance w/civility rules (I was offering hugs, support, care).
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> Did anyone official (dr bob or a deputy) tell you your original post to garnet was uncivil? I don't remember seeing that and I don't remember the post as being uncivil. Controversial, maybe but that's entirely different.
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> > Honestly, I don't know how to defend myself.
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> It may be better not to in that case. I think the tendency for people to get themselves in trouble when they are defending themselves or someone else is the reason for the notify button at the bottom of each post. I also didn't really see anything you needed to defend yourself from. I think your posts spoke for themselves.
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> > (and I have to say that I am really against using "I feel" statements, so it's a big deal for me to accept the guidelines in that regard to the degree I have).
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> Yeah. I have problems with I feel statements too. I feel that "I feel" statements are ... oh never mind.
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> > I am very proud of how I have handled myself, despite what I feel to be some unreasonable and defensive, if not attacking, replies. I have given support to others, set boundaries for myself, stood up for myself and, I might add, stood up for others, and have said that I wouldn't reply to accusations so as not to further escalate the blame game.
> >
> > I feel that the feedback I am getting is not quite fair. I also feel that I deserve positive feedback.
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> I "feel" :-) that you shouldn't take the warning as negative feedback at all. I look at it as a warning to a fairly new poster who has suddenly found herself in the middle of a storm about some things that could trip her up. (That you need to use the notify button about "uncivil" posts, the rest of the FAQ that you were pointed to, that there really is a speed limit here despite all the folks you see going 90mph).
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> jane
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> PS. Have you ever been passed, perhaps cut off, by someone going 90, fumed about it for the next 20 minutes or so, then passed them pulled over by the side of the road with a police car flashing it's lights behind them. That always brightens my day a bit.
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poster:Amelia_in_StPaul
thread:902064
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090529/msgs/902617.html