Posted by tabitha on June 30, 2004, at 14:02:06
In reply to Re: Indirect messages » tabitha, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2004, at 0:12:11
> It really is kind of you to look at it that way, though, Tabitha. I admire that in you.
I'm having a funny reaction to the word 'kind' in this thread. Somehow I'm hearing it as 'insincere', or as 'sacrificing my true feelings to keep others safe'. Let me explain. It's a departure from my former thinking to see people as acting out of a core of hurt and vulnerability covered up by anger, intellect, and other defenses. So when I use that new thinking, my inner critic is all ready to pounce on me and say 'See? People won't believe you're sincere if you use new thinking. They'll just think you're some nutty pollyanna, or else a big doormat who's afraid to think anything bad about anyone. The old thinking is safer.' So I'm all prepped to hear criticism from others about it, whether it's there or not.
I also feel funny accepting a compliment about it. My intent isn't be be kind to others due to some self-sacrifice, it's to keep myself happier. I'm happier if I assume others' more unpleasant behaviors come from some human center, rather than getting outraged about how wrong and bad they are, which is what I used to do. Life is harder for me when I think that way.
If you want to give me a compliment, it would feel good to hear 'good job using new healthier thinking there'.
poster:tabitha
thread:361240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040527/msgs/362039.html