Posted by jane d on June 26, 2002, at 13:07:58
In reply to personal issues with a memorial..., posted by krazy kat on June 26, 2002, at 11:15:46
> 1. Some contributors want a memorial - that's reason enough. Does a vote need to be taken? (seriously).
KK,
Seriously. A vote is exactly what I have been dreading ever since plans for an elaborate memorial (ie more than Bob's regular thread of remembrances) were first proposed. I've kept out of these threads so far because I hate the idea of that and because I didn't want to hurt anyone on this site, especially you. But it's not fair to assume that everyone wants a memorial. You say the lack of one causes you pain; I think I would be hurt by seeing that kind of link every time I signed onto the board. Is that a good enough reason not to do it? Of course not. I can probably adjust to it just as you have adjusted to a site without a memorial. But I don't think it's as clear cut a decision as "some people want this and it won't hurt anybody else".
> 2. A month after a death, that person still seems close. Two months? Then three? Then...?? it literally "memorializes" her on a site that she found to be an important part of the latter days of her life. If one searches for Sar now, there's only a tiny wisp of thread that holds her here yet.
Do you think that is because people don't feel they have the right to talk about Sar?
> I think when we get into the concept of "our responsibility" it can be touchy -- as in, "it's our responsibility to convert all Natives to Christians", i.e. the Inquisition. One can really believe that one is doing the "right" thing, even though it's really an attempt to accomplish other goals. (Not saying this about you, Zo, just in general).Or it's our responsibility to call the cops when we see the burn marks on the kid next door? It is tricky but I think most of us make judgments of this kind every day and usually that's a good thing.
I don't think we should dismiss the argument that glorifying suicide could encourage others to do the same thing even if this isn't absolutely proven. Now in middle age, the idea of suicide because the world doesn't appreciate how great I am is completely alien but I remember once being an age when that made sense. I suppose that it could be another example of an attempt to convert the indians and do the "right thing" but I worry especially about the posters and lurkers who are closest to Sar's age and background and I do feel an urge to protect them.
Memorials only talk about the good things. I think that's partly superstition and partly because we want to avoid hurting other mourners. Would you want a place where people were free to say the negative things or would that hurt you even more? But how honest is it if only flattering memories are allowed?
Jane, whose thoughts are even more jumbled up now than they were when she started typing.
poster:jane d
thread:5764
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020510/msgs/5822.html