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1 year later and feel very bad...

Posted by Vincent_QC on December 8, 2011, at 18:43:32

Didn't come here since a while ... wanted to take a break... but my anxiety became unbearable since last january to the point of no return and need some advices...

Don't know exactly what happen with me but in 1 1/2 years my anxiety just got worse to the point that I can't even stay alone at home.

I was hospitalized in a mental health hospital with no success last september and half of october.

I also stop seeing my PDoc cause he was doing nothing for me, i'm on a wating list to have another one who will take care of my problems more carefully.

I just return home from the hospital after 1 month, for the last year I had many GI and intestinal problems, lost 60 pounds, goes into a malnutrition state with severe constipation... had a CT-Scan with dye contrast product for the abdominal and pelvis part last april and the Doc didnt't see anything wrong with my intestine, and I finally had an intestinal obstruction, the first one october 17th and another one the 25th october, also my bile duck was twisted with 6 liters of liquid inside. I had 2 surgeries in 1 week and i'm now feedind with enteral liquid with a jejunostomy tube who enter directly into my small intestine (Peptamen 1.5 liquid) BUT I can't eat normaly and have to follow a strict diet, mainly mashed diet with no crude vegetables... Will have the jejunostomy tube until february or march 2012 because I need to gain weight, i'm in an anorexia state...my protein level was so low that I had 1 treatment each day for 1 month of Albumin IV... Even with the albumin, the high protein enteral feeding I can't gain weight, I continue to loose some weight. All my muscles hurt and can't walk or climb stairs...

For the anxiety, my symptoms are now debilitating. They are mainly related to my heart, the constant headache (vascular headache), depersonilasation feeling all the time, dizziness, low blood pressure, food intolerance (water make my blood pressure lower, increase my headache pain and adding salt do the same thing, milk make me bloating, bread, rice or pasta give nausea and worse the constipation, same for fruits and vegetables...), hands turning blueish all the time, hypotension orthosstatic...

I can't go out of the house, if so it's only for important things like Doc appointments...and if it's by car, my heart can race up to 180 and more even on the small roads, can't be a passenger and go on the highway because each time I faint because of the rapid heart rate. Also, my everage resting heart rate is now between 100-140... if I move, take a shower or have a bowel movement or just lie down in my bed to sleep, especially at night, my heart rate increase to 140 and more. I can't get up at night and have to wait in the morning to get up to go to the bathroom because of the fast heart rate. The morning and in the evening and night it's the worse time for my heart rate... in the afternoon it's ok, sometimes around 95-100... but I can't be used to that fast heart rate... in 2010 I had a SLOW heart rate of 50-60 all the time even when I was anxious... that's really weird...

I'm also very med sensitive, can't even tolerate a small 1 mg of Paxil, this year I only try 2 meds and a bunch of natural products (B5 Vit, Tryptophan, Inositol, magnesium cure, lycorice, siberian ginseng high in eleutherococcus senticosus but I even at very low dose I had major panic attack from it, even from the inositol...). The first med was the Abilify at a very low dose of 2 mg and I almost die and had to go to the emergency because of the fast heart rate and I try to be back on the Paxil but never be able to reach the 2 mg dose because of the fast heart rate also (had the liquid Paxil finally, I buy it on a online pharmacy store and they don't keep it at the custom)...

My addiction to the benzo meds is very scary also, I can't decrease them even if they try to put me into a withdrawl process at the psychiatrict hospital in september... i'm on Klonopin (8mg day) + Xanax (1mg day) and sometimes Dalmane 30 mg to sleep OR Valium 10 mg to sleep. I also take 10-15 mg of Inderal to slow down my heart rate in the morning and evening but it's not working anymore, if I increase the dosage my blood pressure drop below 90 and my heart rate increase, of course I try several other Beta-Blocker with the same result (Atenolol, Acebutolol, Lopressor, Bisoprolol). Of course I try again the Clonidine with no result on the heart rate, only had lower blood pressure who lead to fainting episode...

I went to the emergency room five times this year for the fast heart rate and each time I had EKG who was normal but only with sinus tachycardia and one time I had a heart rate of 240 and they told me it was regular and only supraventricular tachycardia. Had 2 holter monitor 24 hours who only show the tachycardia with no PVC or anything else. Had a stress-test for the heart and nothing also, nothing to explain the tachycardia or the exercise intolerance.

Anyway my life for now is completly centered around my heart, my blood pressure and the heart rate, the chest pain and thing like that. I lost all my friends, don't drive my car since October 2010, didin't go out of the house for doing normal things like eating at the restaurant or doing some shopping or see a friend, I only go out of the house around 10 times in 1 year and it was for Medical purpose...

Now with the 2 susrgeries I had in October I feel even worse. I fear to have another intestinal obstruction, if I eat some food I have nausea, i'm always scary when it's time to do a bowel movement and fear to die of a heart attack cause I need to strain a lot, I use glycerin suppository, it's the only thing who help me to have a bowel movement but I need to strain even with 3-4 suppository. I try other laxative but they all make me sick especially milk of magnesia and Lactulose.

I'm terrify and don'T know what to do. I can't even stay alone at home now because each time it's like i'm dying. I try to stay down to earth and told me that it's only anxiety but I can't control my brain. Even when i'm not alone at home I feel bad. It's not normal agoraphobia and not normal panic disorder since I don'T have real panic attack now, it's happening rarely, i'm having more severe free floating anxiety all day long and I have no safety zone. I now fear to go to sleep and wake up all night in a panic state, that's horrible.

I had many other tests this year, my adrenal glands are normal, no crushing syndrome, normal dopamine, noradrenaline and adrenaline level, no tumor on the adrenal glands, supression test was normal...only low cortisol was found in the 24 urinary test but the blood test 6-8-12-4-12 hours show normal cortisol level...also, no thyroid problem, nothing to explain my symptoms.

I also have no Psychologist for now, the last one I had call my PDoc and told him that he needed to make me see a special Psychologist for peoples with big anxiety problems like mine, they call this the second line therapy... anyway the PDoc didn't do anything and leave me without any kind of help, no psychologist since april, no thereapy, nothing, just refill my RX for the benzo meds... He was always saying that I was too skinny and things like that but never RX some tests to see why I was loosing so much weight! I was so frustrated... That's why I stop seeing him last september. At the psychiatric hospital they didn't help me either, the PDoc I had there his a friend of the PDoc I had and he was saying things like try to find NATURAL solutions to your problem, solutions who don't include meds, he wanted that I do a list of task to do each day (relaxation, breathing technic, yoga...) and he refuse to start the Paxil again. He said that i'm in the Cluster B, Axe 2 with a personnality problem?!? All the peoples at the psychiatric hospital was put on seroquel or abilify... and when a PDoc wasnt able to treat someone, he was saying to him that he had a personnality problem... that's so frustrating... I saw peoples there on high dose of Seroquel or Abilify, peoples who had only simple panic disorder problem or depression, peoples which should not be on these drugs. I leave the psychiatric hospital not by choice but because the first intestinal obstruction occur there, so I was sent by ambulance to the hospital where I had my gastric by-pass, had 1 CT-Scan again and was sent to the surgery room in less than 2 hours...

Anyway i'm scare all the time now... I know I don't die because of the fast heart rate, but I have no life... I can't live in the moment and always think about the next night I will be in my bed or the next time I will be alone at home...

For the meds, I want to start again the Paxil but just the idea of taking it make my heart race too fast... What to do?

Some help will be appreciate here... any idea about new meds or things like that?

Thanks!


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Vincent_QC thread:1004509
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111208/msgs/1004509.html