Posted by yxibow on September 20, 2008, at 18:32:18
In reply to Re: Wow.., posted by sam K on September 20, 2008, at 11:23:52
> Yixbow, I got diagnosed when I was 14 with Hppd and had been treated for it with clonopin and zyprexa. Yea, Klonopin helps but I cant remember that year hardly at all! And I eat like a pig on it.
> Obviously at the hospital doctors are going to think Im all f***ed up because Im having derealization/depersonilization. They tried all this crap and it SUCKED.
> The one thing I dont understand about what I have is this dream like vision when Im in rooms only lit by flouresent lights.
> Maybe I should watch what I say to him.. After all, being one of my best friends, he still is a doctor. I'm such an open person.. I spill everything, whether its weird or not. He actually does also!
> He's somewhat of a life coach to me, a mentor. Being such good friends, and then he gives me a medicine I KNEW was going to fail, but let it go, is a big blow to me. I feel betrayed a bit.
>
> I still feel drugged up from yesterday.. lazy, dumb, a bit weird. Thank you for your post!! How do you know about hppd? It seems so underground..Sidebar --
From Sept 11, 2001 until Nov 2001, I was hypervigilant about every aspect of things way way above what my peers felt -- checking my cellphone every 10 minutes to see if we were going to be blown up or something -- I'd rather not get into too much of the past, maudlin, not "carrying on" alot, feeling a bit offput by off the cuff jokes about the incident.---
Because I was reaching for straws in the time period that I developed an "orphan disorder" as it is now characterized (to some regards, some aspects), after Nov 17, 2001. Suddenly I couldn't go up the mountain to my favorite Leonid meteor showers, lights were so bright. Nov 18 I tried going out, everything was purple blotchy as I drove home.
Its never changed except for the use of Seroquel for 6 years, and Zyprexa temporarily and then now the Seroquel doesn't "work" to cover things.
Basically I was experiencing (and still am) a hypersensitivity to what most people experience but their "gate" in their mind shuts it off (afterimages, I could go on with the laundry list, including some auditory things, like clanking and the like).
So I was looking and comparing disorders that I thought could be related -- "Visual Snow" (there is a BBS for it although I havent been on it in a long time, again unknown etiologies though some are migraine which I've never had), HPPD (although I never had a hallucinogen), and various other things, before I took the plunge into taking Seroquel.
I really never dreamed in having what ended up being a somatoform disorder with psychosis NOS (as in not otherwise specified and with much care and effort still stymies medicine).
So while I have never experienced HPPD and wouldn't suggest --- and please don't think I'm laying into you, lots of people have "experimented" and there are lots of other things to spend than the "war on drugs", developmentally, hallucinogens could be more powerful.
Anyhow, that's how I had heard about it, and I agree with bits and pieces of all the arguments above, especially as I did note -- Haldol seems so generic and old school and "Vitamin H" (although you'd be surprised the number of people with significant schizophrenia who actually request it, its not completely tossed aside)
.....I especially wanted to communicate that there is a fear to express drug use (and I can understand at 14 you don't have adult rights) -- to not describe the past, in detail, including past (I'm not saying to tell your psychiatrist that you're currently using heroin -- actually at that point, why would you be going to a doctor ? -- but thats for another thread, addiction medicine) drug use, because without those details, you can be misdiagnosed and given the complete wrong medications, e.g. certain antipsychotics for HPPD, or loading up on stimulants when you went into some psychosis on crystal meth in the past, etc --- these things are much more important than one thinks.
And if your doctor responds demonstrably and lectures you on drug use ad nauseum, then maybe that's not the doctor you want as a partnership, as all relations I believe with a psychiatrist should be. Because there are plenty of psychiatrists who have encountered patients with prior drug use -- often in an attempt to self-medicate themselves.
Its just my belief about not wanting history repeating itself.
But back to the original topic, thats how I know about the word because, well in the end now I'm really all alone with my disorder (which if you look back in the archives I've mentioned several times my "story" -- its lengthy and hard to explain in this time period, but it is definitely anxiety linked, other parts unknown, OC linked, etc.)I have for all intents and purposes, 20/20 vision, its my interpretation of the world and my "psychiatric vision".
-- Jay
poster:yxibow
thread:853042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080915/msgs/853156.html