Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on September 3, 2008, at 22:53:00
In reply to Re: Today is NOT my day » Racer, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 19:57:09
Hi...
Yep, I certainly don't know how you exactly feel, just as others don't. Everybody is quick to give advice, and nobody means no harm, they are trying their best. I've been through a few things that many people don't know about as well, and I'd like to share the story. Everybody has a unique story, though, and we really can't say one is worse then another, even though it may feel like it.
I had just spent the previous summer on a beautiful camping trip with my girlfriend, who I was going to marry, and our baby daughter. Life was just grand then. Then on a very cold, blustery January day, I found myself sitting in a car wondering if I should drive off of a pier, or just jump into the water of Lake Ontario. The sun was turning black, the world around me just dying more. That last same summer, I thought if there was a God or something, they where evil and merciless. Coming home from Toronto one evening, my girlfriend and baby daughter where in a car accident. I remember clear as a bell, the report sheet the police brought, that had "no survivors" written on it. The rest is such a blurry of pain, I've blocked a lot of it out. This is really hard for me talking about this, but I bring it up to maybe help connect in some way with people in pain.
Again, I am not saying one story is worse or bad then another, because pain is very universal. And, there is a heck of a lot of it. Only you can ultimately decide if you want to end your life or not. People can talk and talk and talk. The one thing that stopped me, was there where a few close people around me who loved me deeply. So, I grabbed onto that. I don't know if you can do that or not...maybe you do have the people, maybe not. Even just one person, as I have no friends anymore, just family. I am not going to say.."Don't do it because...."..as it doesn't matter what I think. My only other little trick was I used to (and still do) say that "..something will come up".
Again, it may or may not work for you. And if it doesn't, that is okay too.So, I hope the best for you, even though I realize the best often doesn't happen. If you can, find even the tinniest thing to clench onto. Your feelings are absolutely valid. If you want to chat some more in a non-judgmental environment, please keep posting, or you can babblemail me if you wish.
Take good care...
Jay
poster:Jay_Bravest_Face
thread:850075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080903/msgs/850199.html