Posted by SLS on September 3, 2008, at 16:34:31
In reply to Today is my day, posted by kattwoman on September 3, 2008, at 12:05:18
Am I to assume that you are horrendously depressed? I know that feeling all too well. I felt frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, demoralized, helpless, and hopeless. No energy. No motivation. No rewarding activities. Numbness. Emptiness. Doomed
> Today will be my last day on the earth. I am so ready to let go and let God as I just cannot take this pain any longer. No one listens and I got screwed up totally by the Stupid Lassise by the meds he gave me. I have no where to go no where to turn but to God.
God can wait. You know that.
I know he wants you to keep trying, even if you don't. I don't think it is your time yet because you have not stopped reaching out.
There are just too many treatments available for you to give up yet. I had been on 60 different psychotropic medications before I found a combination that worked. This is what it all comes down to, right? Will you find something to relieve you of your pain and allow you to function well enough to return to society. It does happen.
Humor me. How about listing which drugs and drug combinations you have tried already? Maybe there is a clue to be found in such a list. In fact, make three lists.
1. Drugs that made you feel somewhat better.
2. Drugs that made you feel worse.
3. Drugs that had no effect at all.If you haven't combined Wellbutrin + Lexapro + Lamictal + Geodon, I would like to know why not? You might do well to add nortripyline into the mix. In fact, you could combine Parnate with nortriptyline safely.
Is there much anxiety?
Is there much anger or hostility?I believe that people have rights. You certainly do. There is a difference between autoeuthanasia and suicide. Because your mental state is so altered, you most likely cannot objectively weigh the pros versus cons of ending your life. It is critical to understand the there is a neurobiological substrate for suicidality. Suicidal feelings can happen all by themselves. You don't necessarily have to have logical reasons to feel suicidal. These feelings are being generated by the brain automatically and not voluntarily. The addition of anxiety and anger to severe depression almost always leads to suicidal ideations.
It is not your fault that you are ill and suffering incredibly at this moment. I can guarantee you that this bad time will pass. You will then be in a better position to evaluate your next move.
Make your lists and post them. See if one of our members can make suggestions based upon your treatment history. Would God be satisfied that it is your time when you haven't tried some very different treatments that are available right now? It seems that He has given you the strength to make it this far. I'm sure, once this bad time passes, you will think differently and more constructively.
Hey, you did it to yourself. You found some people who care about you without their even having to know you. We can be a pretty convincing crowd.
You know, you really should stick around long enough to see what people will come up with. Biology, psychology, philosophy, spirituality.
God can wait. He is already with you even though you don't feel you are with Him. He gave you strengths and weaknesses. Try not to overlook His gifts to you. I believe in a promised land. Let's try to get there together.
Drugs work.
Can you imagine if the last drug you try and respond to was chosen first instead? You would never have been "treatment resistant". Unfortunately, you are plagued by a lack of a biological or psychometric diagnostic test that would indicate the best treatments to get you well. That leaves mostly trial and error. Neuroscientists are working very hard to change things. New drugs are on the way. New tests are in development. New understandings are arrived at every day.
I have a question for you: If God told you that you must not commit suicide, and that it is not your time to leave yet, what would you like to see happen to you. How would you want your life to change?
Keep thinking positive and constructive - you know - the way you used to. Time and pain and fighting have worn you out. Rest for awhile. You will be better able to continue with life.
What questions do you have of me?
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:850075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080903/msgs/850110.html