Posted by Babak on July 13, 2007, at 3:39:47
In reply to Re: Heroine as atnidepressant, posted by maria3667 on July 8, 2007, at 18:35:23
I am still here.
I was back in a state of vegitation as I tried to come off opiates for while. This is what happens everytime. I become a cripple I just sit on the sofa in front of the T.V. whithout even watching it. As I go throught withdrawal which is nothing compared to a sense of anhedonia. Stop eating or contacting the outside world drifting in and out of sleep full of dreams. I feel annxious and feelinf like having a bad cold. I become crippled with anhedonia and this continues until I get really fed up or I have to attend to somehing or other which can not be delayed or put to one side or ignored and then I have to sum up some sort energy to actucally get hold of some heroin and take it and do what ever I have to to and then go back to vegitation, because I really don't want to get more hooked than I am already.
I know I am loosing control over my addiction and the same amount of heroine is not enough to lift me out of the vegitative state that I am in even though I use it one or twice a week. when I really have to actually do something.
I am in a real state and the doctors don't seem to appreciate the terrible state that I am in.
I am supposed to go in for VNS but the way NHS works in this country god knows how long that is going to be and I am not even sure if it will have any effect. BY the way does any one know if VNS helps anhedonia or not.
I am at a loss and wished I could be hospitalised and had some one else taking decisions for me.
I have lost the strength or will power to try any more. I have tried all the medications on the market. I live alone and I just can't take care of myself anymore. I don't remember when I had a bath or a shower last time. I don't even remeber when I left the house last time. What can I say, I should really kill myself but for some reason I don't feel suicidal.
I know I am ramblinmg but I just don't know what to do any more. The only reason I have managed to write these line is that some one brough me some heroine last night. But I didn't take it last night hoping that I would take it today so that I can summon up the will power to take a shower today.
God help me
poster:Babak
thread:767449
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070710/msgs/769298.html