Posted by MCush on October 1, 2006, at 8:40:40
In reply to Re: My Brain is on Speed » MCush, posted by 4WD on September 30, 2006, at 21:29:01
Marsha, I don't know if I would classify it as being scared because I like to be scared. I'm a huge fan of Horror movies and Horror novels. I'm even hoping that I'll be healthy enough on Friday to go see th new Texas Chainsaw movie.This, however, I HATE
What is happening does scare me though.
On a scale of 1-10 as far as my energy level goes, yeah, i would say I'm at about 8 or 9 for most of the time. It builds up till I feel like I'm on a stimulant and then I completely exhaust myself and crash for a day or two.
At the moment, because I think my body is still getting used to having an AD working inside of it, the moods are a lot more severe.
For example, on Wednesday I was talking to my Father. 'Talking to' since I was doing almost all the talking. My head was moving so fast that it was almost like I coulnd't get the ideas out fast enough before my head jumped to something else. My Father eventually just looked at me and said "Don't you get tired? It's mentally exhausting to even listen to you" hahaha...
Then eventually I exhaust myself... my brain won't work... going through the process of doing something simple is hard (like having shave/shower, making a sandwich, etc.) While that is going on I have an overwhelming feeling to hurt myself. But at the same time I can't relax, I can't sleep, I can't even lie still. I just kind of hold on and wait for it to pass.
The thing is that if that is what is referred to as "cycling" then I'm cycling pretty fast. I've now had 3 of those attacks during September and they seem to get more severe and last longer each time.
I'm still able to have some grasp on reality/rationality when these are happening though. I know when I'm speeding up that I'm moving too fast and it's not right but I can't slow it down. I also know when I crash and I want to hurt mself that I really don't want to hurt myself so I'll fight it off till the urge goes away.
What's scary is what happens if/when that part of me disappears?
poster:MCush
thread:690211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060927/msgs/690768.html