Posted by headachequeen on November 5, 2004, at 23:49:54
In reply to Re: no longer wondering / trileptal, posted by stresser on November 5, 2004, at 19:15:33
> I'm sitting here stunned at everything that's been going on the past several days with everyone.
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> Kat- I really wondered what was up with you, because there weren't any posts. Did this hit you all of the sudden? I am truthfuly worried about you, it is strange how life unwinds, and we make friends that we have never met. I think you need to ask your hubby for a laptop for Christmas this year. We can't have you away from the board for long, because being the "control freak" that you are, I need you to help me control my life. No Joke!! Don't forget.....I'm learning how to be the "Queen of Control," from you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your new medication.
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It certainly came on suddenly... apparently I shouted out twice, a common thing with tonic clonic or I gather the current politically correct term is generalised (used to be'grand mal')
and then was completely rigid and unconscious in a matter of a couple of minutes...
in between the shouting and the unconscious my arms and legs did the rhythmic movements, another new twist for me but normal part of tonic clonic... and my husband did his best to hold me still so I could not hurt myself...
he was terrified for me as this was so new..and could not hold me still and could not get me to regains consciousness
when I did not regain consciousness after five minutes and became cyanotic he called an ambulance when he returned to the bedroom, I have always refused to have a phone in the bedroom, I had fallen from bed to floor, taking the bedclothes with me and was wedged between bed and wall ...
had broken our antique bed, at least the frame which is cast iron... and have the bruises to prove it, I was still unconscious but moving around, but in a padded and safe but enclosed environment...
He has told me bits and pieces as I ask questions because I need to know... I know it hurts him to go through it because it was so hard on him...
tonight he said that he should have grabbed one of my cameras and photographed me so I could see what he had to see and maybe I would stop asking...
but it haunts me...
I lost twenty-four hours other than the odd moment when I would fight to the surface...
and I have to have it back...
it obsesses me...
and it scares the daylight out of me...
right now I am a little dizzy and scared to death to go to bed in case it happens again...
taking gravol and that other stuff the doctor prescribed both just in case...
as I said earlier I have to talk to someone about fear because I cannot and will not let it control me like this...
but for the moment it has control...
as long as I do not know what happened and how to prevent it I am scared...
and to have my doctor (he was in emerg with me treating me until he shipped me out) tell me that he felt so badly for me ... that does not help :(
Fear is not a healthy thing either... it has to be dominated... and controlled...>
> Bridgey- There's too much talent in your family!!!We will soon be hearing about this pre-school talent and I for one look forward to it with great glee <GG>
> As far as veterinarians go, I know it's harder than medical school because you need to know more that just ONE anatomy. I don't know how they do it. If only the animals could talk, and tell us how they feel......they are one of the greatest joys of my life. I had a dream last night about my dog that died three years ago. Do you ever get past that empty feeling? I have thought about him the entire day, and still want him back as much as I did three years ago.I don't think that one ever gets past that feeling of loss but there is a time when the feeling is one of memory and warmth when you think of the dog with smiles more often that tears...
working toward that now with one that died three months ago...kat... who believes this place is incredible therapy...
incredible...
thanks, L
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poster:headachequeen
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041103/msgs/412425.html