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Re: depersonalization help needed » JahL

Posted by SLS on August 20, 2004, at 8:39:01

In reply to Re: depersonalization help needed » SLS, posted by JahL on August 17, 2004, at 21:32:50

Hi JahL.

Sorry for not responding sooner. I am easily overwhelmed by the volume of posts, and only read 4-5 a day.

> > Of course, the bilateral treatments pretty much kicked my ass. I felt really weird for at least a month.

Exactly. Me too. I could hardly navigate my way around roads that I had known for decades.

> I don't like to think about the possible irreversible cognitive effects I might have suffered. It would be difficult to differentiate them from the effects of the depression now anyway.

I keep telling myself exactly the same thing.

> > Are you able to work?

> Not properly, no. Like many on this board, it is inconceivable that I could perform a 'normal' 9-5 job. Way too suicidal, way too cognitively impaired. I think you'll probably understand.

Cognitive impairment is really the only thing keeping me from work. The mood and energy thing, I can work around. When I first entered the NIMH research program, I told them that I didn't give a S if they couldn't do anything for the anhedonia and lack of motivation/interest, as long as they could get me to read, learn, and remember. They failed, obviously. But they did bless me with the assertion that I was one of the worst cases they had come across. It was nice that they deemed my attempts to cope with the illness "heroic", but that is worth only so much when the condition continues indefinitely.

> I now make a pretty good living as a professional gambler,

You got guts.

> How about you? Can you support yourself? You sound profoundly depressed...can you even contemplate working?

LOL

Fortunately, I made enough money as I struggled in my 20s as a car salesman to receive an adequate government disability check. I also get a rental subsidy. I am very fortunate. I really HATE being a burden on the public. HATE. I hope I can eventually give back in some way.

> > I know about the anger. A strong ego is difficult to control when you have to learn how to manage it all over again.

> Yeah. I become particularly angry when people don't show me the respect I afford others.

Because my cognitive impairments sometimes become so apparant during conversations, I get treated like I'm stupid. It is degrading and infuriating. If they only knew... When I was well, I could kick some ass - big time.

> There are certain situations I have to avoid entirely because trouble would be almost inevitable.

For me, I try to avoid situations that would demoralize me. I am too depressed to get angry. I am disgracefully passive.

> Interestingly enough, the temper was the one 'flaw' that remained after I became euthymic on Prozac. Probably something I'll have to work on.

It comes with practice.

> One of the reasons I leave this board for long periods is that I find it all too easy to become embroiled in arguments and ultimately vendettas with the odd poster here and there.

I've learned a bit of self-control and perspective, but I am far from perfect - obviously.

> > Pardon my ignorance, what is a "bruv"?

> Sorry, it's kinda slang for brother.

:-)

> It turns out that you've actually spoke to my younger brother over email. I introduced him to this site before I went in for ECT and he hooked up with you soon after. Obviously he has good taste in people ;-) I won't give his name, but he says Hello.

I vaguely remember the correspondence. I probably have his e-mail in my archives. You can return the sentiments to him.

> > > If you're interested, we've also tried or are trying the dopamine agonists Ropinirole, Trivestal and Almirid. Happy to share my experiences.

> > Please do. I once tried bromocriptine. I experienced about three days of improvement beginning on the second day of treatment. Nothing thereafter.

> Sounds familiar. I've never been too interested in Bromocriptine, for some reason I've always seen it as a rather 'dirty' drug. Not sure why.

It is dirty. I forget all the details, but I would avoid it.

> I tried Ropinirole a few months back. It didn't do a great deal other than improve my currently non-existent appetite. Tho' I experienced the odd sleep attack to begin with, there were no real side effects either.

Did the sleep attacks subside?

> it seems that Trivestal has multiple modes of action and so has the potential to maybe be more effective.

> We've got Almirid in reserve, though I'm not particularly excited by the prospect of another D agonist.

I am not familiar with these two drugs. What are their generic names?

> Can I ask what your opinions are of opioids as a treatment of last resort?

They can be problematic as far as dosing is concerned because of the short half-lives (oxycodone) or route of administration (buprenorphine). I wouldn't hesitate to try it. I'm sure you are aware of the physiological dependence that develops. Withdrawal probably isn't a whole lot of fun, but if it works, there's no need to withdraw until you find a better alternative, right? I tried Vicoden on two occasions with no positive results. I think there is still a place on my list for opioids. Some people respond well to tramadol. It is also a 5-HT reuptake inhibitor. That's definitely on my list. These things are probably band-aids, but if they stop the bleeding, what does it matter?

> I am familiar with a couple of people Stateside who both take low-dose Vicodin. Neither seems to have developed any particular tolerance over the years. Are you familiar with the work on an Oxycontin/Naltrexone (I think?) combination, thought not to promote tolerance?

That sounds *very* interesting. As an aside, there was considerable interest here a few years ago about using naltrexone as an augmentor of antidepressants (without an opioid). A guy named Wayne reported a robust response when it was added to an SSRI.

What about memantine? It's anti-tolerance effect for opioids has been reported, but who knows how valid they are?

> As you might know, I have taken low-dose Methadone for a few years now, w/o any sign of tolerance. The benefits - improvements in cognition and energy - are not that substantial but they are *consistent*. It's the Meth connection that is driving me towards a visit to a broad-minded Stateside pdoc...

Maybe you can get a referral from Dr. Bodkin at McLean Hospital in Belmont Massachusettes.

Write me at:

sl.schofield at att dot net


- Scott

 

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