Posted by SLS on August 12, 2004, at 7:04:53
In reply to Re: depersonalization help needed » SLS, posted by JahL on August 11, 2004, at 16:16:39
> Me again :)
Me too :-)
It is remarkable how many similarities there are between our cases. Even your experiences of depersonalization and social anxiety are all too familiar to me.
> > > ECT has well and truly brought me to my knees in the meantime.
> > How so?
> I tried it as a last resort the year previous. After 5 or 6 treatments there was clear improvement.
I experienced a clear improvement after my fifth treatment, all of them being unilateral left. It didn't stick either. It only lasted for a fraction of one day.
> This did not stick however and by treatment 14 I had become acutely suicidal. It may have had something to do with the requirement to stop Lamictal pre-ECT. I cannot live w/o it and eventually had to up the dose to 600mg.
After a few more treatments without improvement, we switched over to bilateral. I had 15 treatments total. Nothing. Of course, the bilateral treatments pretty much kicked my ass. I felt really weird for at least a month. I don't like to think about the possible irreversible cognitive effects I might have suffered. It would be difficult to differentiate them from the effects of the depression now anyway.
> The general anaethetic was orgasmic - you learn to anticipate the intense rush and ride it. The pain ceases instantly,...
I know. What a pathetic comment that is on the quality of our lives.
> > It is nothing short of dementia, and it is tugging at me with suicidal ideation. My memory is profoundly impaired.
> One week after I finished ECT a report came out in The English Journal of Psychiatry. It stated that there was an indisputable link btwn ECT and memory loss.When was this?
> Apparently about a third of patients experience short term memory impairment, whilst another third suffer from more severe, long term memory loss. I'm the latter. I don't even remember buying the house I moved into a year ago!
Are you able to work?
> Dementia is about right. It's humiliating at times, I'm sure you'll agree.
It is a brutal and unrelenting assault upon one's dignity.
> I too can tell when a better spell is on the way. Like you, boredom actually becomes something one can experience. The best indicator for me is the return of my explosive temper - normally crushed by this depressive miasma.
I know about the anger. A strong ego is difficult to control when you have to learn how to manage it all over again.
> Can I ask if you've tried Abilify yet? It was wonderful in terms of cognitive function...
I currently take 10mg. I too experienced a rather robust antidepressant effect initially. After a week or so, it faded, but I feel it might still be helping a little. It's hard to tell, and I haven't tried discontinuing it in over a year. I think it helps keep me from reaching the catastrophic and suicidal state of mind that sometimes creeps up on me.
Before I forget, Provigil produced an antidepressant effect within an hour after the first dose, but faded quickly. Thereafter, it made me feel significantly worse. My initial thought was that it would have made a good augmentor of MAOIs. I tried it again a few years later, but the end result was the same.
> What about Pramipexole? It dampened the suicidal ideation a little for me but I couldn't withstand the nausea - I also have an eating disorder. However it's made a significant difference to my bruv's quality of life, particularly in terms of motivation.
Pardon my ignorance, what is a "bruv"?
> If you're interested, we've also tried or are trying the dopamine agonists Ropinirole, Trivestal and Almirid. Happy to share my experiences.
Please do. I once tried bromocriptine. I experienced about three days of improvement beginning on the second day of treatment. Nothing thereafter.
> > I hope there is something you can learn from the new folks here that can help pull things together for you. They're a smart bunch (as always).
> Thanks. It's the general intelligence of the Babble population that draws me back here. Never ever posted on another board.
> Keep throwing these ideas at us Scott. Who knows - maybe we can help you outta yr own situation too.
I hope so. I am not in a real good place right now. Not at all. It could be worse, though. (It sometimes helps to say that).> Best wishes,
Ditto.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:374412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040811/msgs/376762.html