Posted by RWF on November 29, 2003, at 14:19:19
In reply to Re: Someone please help....last ditch effort!, posted by SLS on November 29, 2003, at 11:34:38
Am I depressed? I think I am...
I had a nervous breakdown when my wife first got pregnant with our son back in 2001.
I then spent about seven days in a hospital to be treated for depression and anxiety. Back then I was so scared of dying, and feared that I was going to end my life, even though I knew that I didn't have the guts to go with it.
My wife was my rock throughout the entire deal. She was there for me every step of the way. I love her so much for that, and for everything that she does for me today.
Eventually the depression and the anxiety lifted but not completely. I think it could be due to the dramatic change in my life.
I love my son too. He is the world to me.
Now that she is pregnant again, I don't know how to feel. So many questions in my mind..."Will I love this one too?", "Will I love him as much?", "What is my life going to be like?", "How am I going to get through this?", "What will I feel after it is born?"
I think I am going crazy sometimes. LOL
Now I feel this numbness towards my wife. I KNOW I love her, and that she loves me.
I am hiding my feelings from her because I can't hurt her anymore. I love her so much, I often look forward to talking to her, and to seeing her, but when I do I get anxious and so many thoughts run through my mind.
The Ativan helps sometimes, but I think that I am becoming addicted.
We do see a counselor together for Marital Problems unrelated to this pregnancy now, and I do see a psycho-therapist every week, but I have yet to reveal my true feelings to him because of my guilt of feeling this way.
I get scared so much sometimes, and I am becoming so numb to the point that suicide becomes a comforting thought however I could not do it because I have way too much to lose.
I feel like I shake inside so violently that one day I may blow up and in a rage hurt someone close to me. This scares me.
I am never like this. I am usually a caring, compassionate individual who would go out on a limb for anyone, but lately I am becoming more disassociated with reality, and becoming a victim of depression and anxiety.
I have tried meds in the past...Effexor XR completely numbed my senses, Luvox agitated the hell out of my anxiety and I don't know where to turn!
Someone please tell me that this is normal and that I will be able to live a real life someday.
I can't do this anymore, and I can't do this to my wife!
Help me.
poster:RWF
thread:284960
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031126/msgs/285012.html