Posted by Susan J on August 19, 2003, at 15:37:09
In reply to SSRI's and R.E. Dark Irony, posted by BeachGuy on August 19, 2003, at 15:08:39
> I haven't given up even though I am also rational and believe nothing until I have concrete proof. I believe damage done to you as a child gets deeply rooted inside you. So far that you can't remember it.
<<Yeah, I agree to a certain extent. There's no one who can make me feel uglier than my mother. She made a concerted effort when I was a kid to NEVER tell me I was pretty because she didn't want a girl who traded solely on looks. And she started putting me on diets when I was 10. But I *remember* every single hurt, every single slight as a child. I *know* what's hurt me. I look back at pictures of myself then I was NORMAL, not overweight at all! She still reduces me to tears, though.I *can* get my self-esteem boosted, temporarily, by a sexy guy who finds *me* sexy and beautiful. I know it's not the best way to get higher self-esteem, but it *does* work. Works for as long as the guy's around, and then of course it comes crashing down. Does a woman's attention to you boost your self esteem at all, or do you end up thinking *less* of her because she's interested in you?
>why is this woman here with you? There must be something wrong with her. What does she want? What the hell does she see in a loser like you? Can you give her what she wants...what all women demand? Probably not because you are a wimp, a loser, stupid and selfish and this woman will get dissapointed in you and leave sooner or later. You don't dederve her and you don't derserve any sexual pleasure with this kind of woman.
<<<<Arrrgh. That's terrible. Kind of reminds me of the last guy I was *involved* with. A guy who flirted outrageously with me, actually (I believe) fell in love with me, but would never date me because he thought I was too good for him and would leave him, like everyone else had. I'll tell you what I told him. Shouldn't it be up to *me* to decide if you're worth dating? :-) And if a (nice) woman's in bed with you, isn't that per se proof she likes you?
>I can function with no problem with a certain type of woman but they are really not the type you want to spend anymore than about an hour with. With anyone else-- anyone nice, anyone I might want to have a relationship with....same old same old.
<<Wow, so it really does come down to self-esteem. These women are *low* enough to *want* to be with you so you know you can please them?
A *normal* woman wouldn't find you attractive?
Not true. First of all, you are very self-aware, understand your feelings and insecurities, and I hope your strengths. Ummm, in *my* experience, men like that are few and far between. Do you have female friends in your life with whom you are close? Good ones that compliment you, boost your self-esteem? Are reliable, dependable, fun, sexy, bright?>
> But none of this is my priority now. I can't take medication and work on this problem at the same time so what I am now trying to decide to do is just forget sex and lose myself in an SSRI even steven bliss where all interest in sex is lost, or try to continue on in therapy with the high anxiety of Wellbutrin.
<<I'm sorry it's rough. Only you know what's best for you. I hope (and think) you can conquer both. :-)> As for you. Well if things can be fixed then it's great to set goals an attain them. It gives meaning to your life. Don't let the guys get you down. There are tons of guys who like active, smart girls. If men are intimidated by you then that is their problem, you probably don't want to be with a guy like that anyway.
<<No, I don't want to be with that type of guy. I feel ugly and can't even get myself to the *date* stage with someone who really intrigues me. Much less have a satisfying physical relationship. It has, and still is, taking some serious work on my part to make myself believe I'm at least attractive. And I kind of know what you feel -- almost everyone I come in contact with thinks I'm beautiful. I think they really have a skewed way of looking at things. :-) But I know it's me who's really warped. It's all inside of me.For both of us: I really truly believe there is a partner out there, for each of us, who is understanding and committed and can offer unconditional love. Unconditional love is a *powerful* thing, and can sometimes overcome our own self-hatred.
One thing I know about my own depression is that a supportive person in my life is so incredibly valuable. My ex is still my best friend, and he sits there and listens to me cry hysterically for what seems to be no reason. He tells me I'm a great person, and he really means it. If not, he'd be gone long, long ago. We broke up almost 2 years ago.
And if you need support, this board is a great place for it. And you can always e-mail me if you want:
sdj at justice dot com.
Good luck. :-)
poster:Susan J
thread:251700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030818/msgs/252215.html