Posted by Susan J on August 19, 2003, at 12:07:15
In reply to SSRI's and R.E. Dark Irony, posted by BeachGuy on August 19, 2003, at 11:33:15
> Susan...just the fact you are taking an interest is a pretty big boost to self esteem.
<<I hate it when people hurt. I really do. I hate it when I hurt too. :-) And I admire you a lot for trying to fix it. So, so many people never face a problem, let alone try to fix it. The strength is in the attempt. Always. You should value yourself for that. Who is more admirable? The guy who plays shortstop effortlessly because he was lucky enough to inherent physical prowess? Or the kid who tries and tries and practices at night, and comes out as an adequate shortstop?>
> But core self esteem? forget it....it's lower than a snake's belly and has been since I was a baby. It's probably causes by the low level anxiety and depression which in turn runs in my family.You are what your brain chemicals dictate.
<<Nope. Too easy. :-) This world belongs not to those who adapt to it, but to those who adapt the world to themselves. People overcome paralysis. People overcome mental retardation. People overcome being uglier than socially acceptable. People overcome being boring, being a drunk, having terminal cancer. I believe everyone is born with a disability, some just more apparent or more disabling than others.Heck, I'm overweight. I look very similar to Emme on Style channel. Ever seen her? I think "she" is beautiful....why don't I think "I" am? Sounds stupid and pointless, but it's crippling to my self-esteem....I don't think I can turn on a guy sexually because of it. Doesn't help that ex-boyfriend with PE blamed his lack of sex drive on me and my appearance when it was really all him, his lack of self-esteem, and his own depression.
I think I'm the opposite of you. I have decent, not perfect, core self-esteem. I do generally like myself. But my exterior self-esteem lacks some grit. Do I fit into society? Am I this culture's standard of beauty? I don't know. I'm great at sports, very athletic. Men tell me this "intimidates" them. ??? I'm successful in my job and make decent money, more than most people around here. Again, this "intimidates" men. But I'm not willing to change any of those things I care about to please others. I like them too much.
>>Therapy can uncover the causes of problems...but fix them? It's doubtful. My subconcious core says I don't deserve an orgasm and that's that.
<<I'm not a huge believer in the subconcious...only what we think here and now. BUT. Why do you think you don't "deserve" it? That, I don't get.You are a human being. I assume you try to be a good and kind person. You have value just being "you." Period. And as such, you deserve a happy and productive life. Can you accept others warts and all? If so, why can't you accept yourself? Why do you hold yourself to a higher standard than others? We are ALL flawed.
This is from an on-line self-help book:
"Several examples of a destructive internal critic will be given later in this method. But, it is important to note that the internal critic is often seen as doing good too.... the critic says, "You can't do that," it is helping you avoid a situation in which you might fail... Thus, we often tolerate and even welcome the internal critic as a necessity."
Is "accepting" RE a way to rationalize avoiding intimacy? Has it truly been years since you've tried? If so, how do you know it won't be OK now?
>> Many think this would be an advantage...to be able to give a woman as many orgasms thru intercourse that she can handle.
<<Nah, it's just like a woman who has sex all the time but never achieves orgasm...was socially accepted forever. Not a good thing. Not for a man either.>>But I stoped having sex years ago because the stress of the RE is just too much to bear.
<<When you had sex successfully, what was going on in your life? What was different? Can you get back to that place?Part of you lack of self-esteem is because you don't feel like you've got any control over your situation. That's VERY understandable, since you've been struggling with this at least 15 years. I'm not trying to be patronizing here, really. I've been struggling with depression for about that long, and sometimes I think I'll have it the rest of my life and that just is almost more than I can bear. But just "thinking" it's a life-long problem adds to the problem. So I'm sure your just "thinking" you've got something incurable just compounds the problem.
We live in four dimensions, you know, and time is the most pliable, the one that brings surprises. As long as you are alive, there's the possiblility for change.
poster:Susan J
thread:251700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030818/msgs/252146.html