Posted by BeachGuy on August 19, 2003, at 15:08:39
In reply to Re: SSRI's and R.E. Dark Irony » BeachGuy, posted by Susan J on August 19, 2003, at 12:07:15
thanks for the link. I'm always trying always hoping.
I haven't given up even though I am also rational and believe nothing until I have concrete proof. I believe damage done to you as a child gets deeply rooted inside you. So far that you can't remember it.
All the things people tell children which lowers their self esteem roll off the backs of some, in others every comment, every slight, is stored away--this part of what cases low core self esteem. It can maifest itself in many ways as adults. Some to daredevil things, some become sexually promiscuous, some do drugs or drink too much. With me it was sex. Every therapist has a slightly different take on it but I have managed to see a thread moving through all their observations. It is something I am not aware of when it happens but apparently it is some kind of inner core conciousness (or subconcious) dialogue that goes something like this: why is this woman here with you? There must be something wrong with her. What does she want? What the hell does she see in a loser like you? Can you give her what she wants...what all women demand? Probably not because you are a wimp, a loser, stupid and selfish and this woman will get dissapointed in you and leave sooner or later. You don't dederve her and you don't derserve any sexual pleasure with this kind of woman.Now of course in my day to day life and I don't think any of this. And it took 15 years of therapy to unearth that conversation with myself that happens every time I get intimate with a woman.
These thought s are like footprints made in cement that has dried hard. You can't get them out.You asked me if I had "tried" lately. This is a bit of a tricky question. Let me put it this way....I can function with no problem with a certain type of woman but they are really not the type you want to spend anymore than about an hour with. With anyone else-- anyone nice, anyone I might want to have a relationship with....same old same old.
But none of this is my priority now. I can't take medication and work on this problem at the same time so what I am now trying to decide to do is just forget sex and lose myself in an SSRI even steven bliss where all interest in sex is lost,
or try to continue on in therapy with the high anxiety of Wellbutrin.I THINK I answered most of your questions.
As for you. Well if things can be fixed then it's great to set goals an attain them. It gives meaning to your life. Don't let the guys get you down. There are tons of guys who like active, smart girls. If men are intimidated by you then that is their problem, you probably don't want to be with a guy like that anyway.
poster:BeachGuy
thread:251700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030818/msgs/252209.html