Posted by katia on June 8, 2003, at 15:29:19
In reply to Antidepressants and Mania, posted by lillabelle on June 8, 2003, at 11:18:34
Hi Lillabelle!
first off, I LOVE your name. very beautiful and unique. I don't know if you've been following the threads with my posts, esp. the one here with Ron, but I'd like to ask you some questions. If you've been following the posts for me then you may already know this, but I'll repeat it. In short, in the past year (almost exactly) due to a suicidal VERY crippling depression I was in in combo with life crisis, I started addressing what I thought to be a life long depression. But over the course of the year, I've been on four ADs and none of them really working(ed). I started on Celexa - did nothing for me. then effexor and felt (what I know now to be probably hypomania); only at first. I was racy and high feeling periodically like i'd just drunk a couple cups of Peets' coffee (a strong coffee). But similtn. I slept like crazy - night sweats, woke up yelling, crazy dreams - the typcial like most people experience on Effexor. I was slowly starting to crash back down to a slowed depression and eventually my side effects consisted of those electrical brain zaps you hear about. So I stopped gradually while going onto Zoloft. I stayed on Zoloft for three months and was an absolute zombie - did nothing for me except instead of a sharp piercing pain, I had a dull numbing pain. got off that - had worse w/drawals then on Effexor and went for two weeks with nothing. Simultaneously i moved house, got really into painting and decorating my new room and ended up buying about $4000 worth of stuff including a brand new king size bed custom made in Germany. I really feel like all theses buys are justified; but reading the board here....makes me think. In those two weeks, I alternated between intense focus on projects, like painting my room three different colors and building bookcases, etc. (and shopping) then i started Serzone. I started on the starter pack with 100mg for one week, then 150 mg ,then 200 up to 400mg. I think i went hypomanic if I wasn't before. But this time with worsening mood swings alter. b/t irritable, rageful, and crying. It just got worse as the Serzone went on. So after 3 1/2 weeks on Serzone, I stopped. (by the way during this time, I have stopped going to the clinic where i was tossed around to about 7 different pdocs in one year, no one followed or concentrated on my case. I've got an appt. in 8 days with a wellknown pdoc in the area). So when I stopped Serzone, I went "crazy". I had severe severe drops - shorts bursts of crisis and despair. I scared myself so I began taking just 50mg of Serzone for the past two weeks and it seems to be helping me. I definitely feel bouts of irritability and moodiness, but I'm better than before. So after all this, I am thinking that I may be BPII as well. so I have a few questions for you.>>Also along with the 'high'manias I began to have more irritable or dysphoric mania. Manias of rage, anger, irritability and racing thoughts.
How did this rage and anger manifest itself in your life?
>Observing that my moods seemed to be getting worse with age and because I still thought I suffered from depression only, having never been dxed, I asked my doc for an SSRI anti'd, which he readily handed out.
I too have never been properly dxed; I've just assumed that a unipolar depression for me b/c I've never experienced a euphoric long term high.>> I'm not laughing one minute and shouting the next. I no longer abuse alchohol.
When you say laughing one minute and shouting the next (that is my life story). Would you say that this is indicative of dysphoric hypomania?
Also, you say that you no longer abuse alcohol. In retrospect when did you notice you abused it more? When you were depressed or manic? I've been doing some serious reflecting about my life and I've had so many many years of depression sometimes mixed with a wild energy that I so often curbed by drinking and then of course that would lead to trouble - affairs, pregnancy etc.
which would (I thought) lead to depressions....god I've got quite a life story.I'd appreciate some feedback.
Thanks so much.
Katia
poster:katia
thread:102831
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030604/msgs/232427.html