Posted by cubbybear on February 1, 2003, at 5:05:12
In reply to Your Decision » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 1, 2003, at 3:29:17
> There must be some sense of relief in your decision to end the Aurorix trial, and a sense of hope in having a definite "next step" in place. Now you just gotta hang in there 'till March. You can do it!
You sounded more confident in your last post. Hope you're feeling that way too.
>
Oh, Lynda, I have to tell you no, I know I sounded better last night and for a little while I felt good about having made the decision, but the depression took such a turn for the worse today that I had to tell myself, "put your feet on the floor and get off that bed and do what you have to do." (personal errands) I can barefly do anything; the depression is nearly paralyzing me. I have no appetite in the least, so I have to force myself to eat. I honestly don't know how much longer I can hang on. I could have taken some Xanax to take the edge off it, and my pdoc spelled out the absolute safe limit I could take since I'm already taking Klonopin regularly, (another benzo) so I held off. I was tempted to dash off to the hospital again, but resisted the temptation there too. I know that there's really nothing they can do for me at this point except just let me rest there for a while and take my blood pressure, etc.It's not like getting a wound stitched up or a broken leg put in a cast.
I have never known the pain of severe depression like I do now. I just keep on praying . . . I don't want to wind up being admitted to the hospital or feel suicidal. I can't afford to lose my job at this point. So much is at stake. When I get the Parnate, I'll then have to hang in another 3+ weeks until it kicks in. We're looking at nearly 2 whole months more till I can get some lasting relief. i don't know how I can last that long the way I feel right now. Please stay in touch. Can you handle me posting every day or nearly every day, if I have to? I don't want to become a nuisance to you. (Of course, anyone and everyone who's reading my posts can express some sympathetic words too.)
poster:cubbybear
thread:137446
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/138701.html