Posted by blah on January 28, 2003, at 20:21:32
In reply to Re: I'm Sorry, posted by androog on January 28, 2003, at 11:15:15
Thanks, I do appreciate your words, but I do know this diagnosis is correct. I also have depression, dysthymia, anxiety, and probably avoidant personality disorder traits, but I am primarily schizotypal. In a way it's what I've been telling thearapists and doctors ever since I was a child. I just didn't have the right words to explain it, and they were too arragant to both sift through what I was saying, and in some cases to believe me in the first place. No one would believe the trouble I had with physical activities like homework, housework, and exercize were real. I was too inteligent for it to be a learning dissorder. My eccentricity, or as it was usually called, "being weird" was cause for daily torture by my peers at very young ages, and on some level I am avoided, teased, or judged by most people I know to this day. When I was young the teachers and most adults accused me of just trying to get attention, but I was just interacting to only ways I knew how. Now, even after changing my behavior considerably (if only on an intellectual level) people, especially women know there is something fundamentaly wrong. They don't know what it is, they just don't want to be around it. So often I feel like I'm speaking a different language than the people around me. The more I'm alone, and the more my depression builds the more my mind drifts, even when I'm around people now, and all pdocs care about is addiction, and all friends can talk about is selfesteam. Selfesteem doesn't cure disorganized thoughts. Unless some drug works (and it won't be anything conventional) there really isn't any hope for me. I don't have the effort I once had, and ecconomic survival will soon be an omnipresant problem.
I made an appointment with that other pdoc I was talking about. She won't be able to rx opioids right away but maybe in a month or two, and maybe we'll be able to find another source like a pain doctor. I'm just having trouble holding on everything hurts so much, and there is no hope anywhere.
poster:blah
thread:81414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030125/msgs/138034.html