Posted by reese1 on June 28, 2002, at 17:25:04
In reply to Re: hello everyone i have not had the honor to meet, posted by Sally green on June 12, 2002, at 18:12:41
hello everyone,
it's one of those days for whatever reason i've decided to pop up again. though this time i have a very specific reason. I had a return visit with a doctor by the name of Robert Cancro. He's a big shot. He's head of psych at NYU. Over a year ago I had taken massive brain scans that Dr. Cancro and another doctor named Dr.John had been using to try to pin point what medication and what exaCTLY your brain is doing. Because of the person who made me take these tests (which i did not want to take) who was my dad, well, after i took the tests the Dr tried numerous times to get me back in the office but my father would have nothing to do with it. I know this sounds strange since he was the one who made me go initially.
Now flash forward a year. I need doctors for my SSD so my dad says we'll go see him again. Personally I haven't been well and moving closer and closer to the end of the robe that seems to have endless streams to keep me from totally falling.
Dr. Cancro was terrified of what i have been going through. He said my chart, was totally abnormal across the board. In his words "there is way to much noise going on"
I can not tell you what a wonderful relief this was. I started crying. Crying because I wasn't a weak, pathetic, bullshitter and crying because something is totally wrong. Cancro found it totally shocking that I was able to get through school and perform as an actor since he thought it would be nearly impossible for me to memorize lines. He has done thousands of tests, of depressed, bi-polor, schizophenic, add, occ, etc. But the chart he had in front of him, mine, was what he said "more fucked up than all of them" and he looked my dad straight in the eyes and he said "you are lucky he is still alive"
He then looked at me and said "am i right"I just cried.
So what does all this mean?
Nothing.
Except he wanted to know if i would be willing to go into NYU psych for three weeks (or who knows) to try different medication.
My first reaction was, i have tried all the different medication but then he said but you can't go on like you are and I said okay, i'll think about it.I go in on the 8th of July. Since that day, me and my girlfriend have been fighting. She's very upset by everything, and she's exhausted of being in love with someone who changes moods so fast she has almost had to give up trying to catch up. but we love each other and will move on. But I have felt very bad because I have such anger running inside me. About the fact that this information was kept from me for a year and nothing was done. and because i am so angry i lose my temper with my girlfriedn, debbie. I swear i can't help it.
When I say i lose my temper it's not yelling and screaming it's more of just being cold and quiet.
Plus my friend who i care for a lot is in the hospital because his t cells are down to eight and my other friend is in the psych ward, i met the latter one in an outpatient program a year ago. the former friend i have known for eight years.
I just wanted to let you all know because i guess i'm just really scared. I hate hospitals. i've been in them to many times and they only get more and more obviously cruel.sorry if this is hard to understand or can't be understood at all.
I want to let everyone know how much you all have helped me even if i don't write that much. So thank you. Thank you Elizabeth, Thank you Sally, Thank you everyone thank you
doug
poster:reese1
thread:93100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020628/msgs/110999.html