Posted by reese1 on June 12, 2002, at 11:35:38
In reply to Re: medication without a prescription, posted by Sally Green on June 11, 2002, at 20:26:18
hello,
it's been some time since i have posted. i read some of sally green's posts and found them very intresting and full of rage and pain which i found to be very very appropriate. my expierence with buprenex was so inconsistent and confusing i don't know what to say. one day it seemed to work. the next nothing. one day it would make me, at least to other's eyes, manic, others sad.
i know it seemed to have some speed effect on me. a feeling like staying up all night drinking and sleping three or four hours. and you wake up with all that sugar running in your system. buprenex made me feel like that. but even that was better than regular.
so where am i now? nowhere else.
when i read that they were going to finally "legalize" buprenex without iv i thought that is great. to me anything is great. medications are to the point where they are beyond laughable. it's a cyclical fuck you that goes around and around, through the pens of the doctors, the rules of the MDA, and the companies of creating. adn when it is finally complete. complete meaning something we are not allowed ot understand. we can run like little children to the candy store, hoping, praying, for this one to help us breathe freely, walk easily, think hopefullly, anything but living in this cracked broken museum. where everyone's make up has worn off, showers are broken, clocks tick louder and thicker each day. each and everyone's eyes glue to the hands that turn the dial of time that we are trapped into being a part of. please pill give me the ability to just walk out side. please pill give the power to pick up the phone. please pill give me the power to stop this pounding that wants nothing more than for me to chope myself in two. please pill make me what i used to be. please pill just give me a day full of silence where i am not scared of everything but my shadow. since it has disapeered long times ago.
i take
lithium
neurontin
adderall
risperdal
clonzapan
celexa
they help. but i wake up each day with nothing to do. i can't work. if i did work i would fuck up my SSI disability. which i was just rejected so i ahve to appeal. i went through five tests of there's. flunking each one but still they denied me.what works? i don't know
what doesn't work? i know tha much better
i feel for everyone who writes here. it has only been ten years since i was forced to join the pill army. since then there have been ups and downs. now there is nothng. a numbness. that is all. if something hits me. a feeeling. it seems to be addressed by everything but me. but still i have the feeling of wanting to cry. and that has not been blackked out yet. i used to write five hundred poems a year on my computer. i looked under 2001 and there were maybe twenty. and they were bad. i wrote one play and twenty poems.
i hate writing. you have nothing around you but the pile of weight you sit on which is connected only to you. the one thing you want to get away from
that is why i have always found my deepest and most pounding drug to be acting. if only i could find another part. for those three four months i am free. nothing hurts as much as now.
sorry for the long rambling pompous lettergood luck everyone
and i hope for whatever' sakes buprenex becomes legalized. it's all a bunch of bullshit anyway. in terms of what get's approved and what doesn't.
poster:reese1
thread:93100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020609/msgs/109585.html