Posted by Greg on November 10, 2001, at 11:08:03
In reply to I want to die, posted by Delphine on November 9, 2001, at 18:08:08
> I want to die. I don't have any plan or anything. I just feel that way. I don't want to tell my doc because I'm afraid he'll be disappointed after all the effort he has put in me. And I have betrayed him. I said I wouldn't drink and I have. I said I would respect my prescription and I haven't. I was hoping "this" (this evil depression) would go away a month ago so I didn't say anything. It hasn't. What now? I think I should call the hospital, maybe. But then I'll be a huge fucking disappointment and they'll put me on APs or something. I don't want that. I would rather die.
Delphine,
There probably aren't many here that haven't been where you are right now, wanting to die. I have. It's the nature of the beast that haunts us that we feel this way sometimes so don't feel alone with this pain.
Don't worry about disapointing your doc, if he is a good one, then he would be more disapointed if you didn't confide the truth about where you are. You aren't perfect, none of us are. If you think you should go to the hospital, then go, that choice is yours. You certainly don't have to take any med that you don't want to take unless, and I want to stress this, unless you sign a waiver to that effect. So be careful what you sign. While you may feel like a disapointment to yourself, you won't be to them, a good hospital is qualified to handle situations like these.
I understand your relutance to take APs, I felt the same way. The term Anti-Psychotic carried a stigma that I didn't want to deal with for a very long time. But I finally gave in and my med has allowed me to live a "managable" life, not a great one, but managable. Just some food for thought.
I hope whatever you decide to do it will bring you some comfort and some well deserved peace of mind. You will be in my thoughts.
Greg
poster:Greg
thread:83708
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011104/msgs/83780.html