Posted by CarolAnn on June 20, 2000, at 9:18:23
In reply to Night Moves Into Sadness and Pain, posted by jupiter on June 19, 2000, at 22:59:01
Jupiter, I am right where you are now. I love my husband dearly, and I know he loves me even more, yet all I want is to be left alone. I can't stand for him to touch me, hug me, ect. And, sex is so far from my mind that I wouldn't want to do it even if my husband suddenly turned into my favorite sexy movie star!
Like you, I don't want to hurt him. My husband is the most loving, kind, and considerate person I have ever known, and he certainly does not deserve to bear the brunt of my pain. So, what to do!?! Well, this may not help your situation, but back when I was single, I was involved in community theater. I took a lot of acting classes and did a lot of shows. I never in a million years would have thought that my acting ability would be put to use in this way, but that is exactly how I cope. I "act" happy to have his hugs and kisses. If it's been more then a week, I "act" like I want to have sex, (sometimes I even get lucky and actually end up enjoying it). I'm sorry I don't have better advise, and can't help any other way.
"Acting" (as often as I can stand to) the part of loving wife, is the least my husband deserves and sometimes, I can't even do that much. But, I'm lucky, because he works hard at understanding what I'm going thru. He knows that I have bad times where I just don't have anything to 'give' (especially since I have a toddler). So, when he comes up behind me and pulls me into a big embrace, no matter how much I want to pull away, I think, "it will be over in a minute" and I 'act' cuddly, give him a peck on the cheek, and if it is taking too long, I "suddenly" remember something that has to be done right now, and make my escape.
I read somewhere that if you "act" a certain way for a long period of time, it will eventually be a natural behavior. I hope so. Otherwise, I might go mad(well, even madder then I already am!)! I'm sorry if this doesn't really help you, but I thought I should, at least, share my way of coping with a husband who needs to feel loved.
Best of wishes to you! CarolAnn
poster:CarolAnn
thread:37856
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000619/msgs/37887.html