Posted by Todd on May 29, 2000, at 18:27:13
In reply to SUICIDE, posted by kathy on May 28, 2000, at 23:08:37
Look at all the responses to your posts, Kathy. All you ever wanted was love, and it looks to me like you're getting an ocean of it. WE love you, Kathy. Do you find that hard to believe? I have never seen you, you have never cooked me dinner, we don't work together, and you're not on my Christmas card list. Do I know you? Most definitely. You are beautiful, and I am talking about inner beauty. Your essence flows through your words, Kathy. I know you because I know myself. I see myself reflected in your posts, and want to reach out to you. We all want to, Kathy, because we have been there in different ways. We know a lot more about real love than most folks. I think M. Scott Peck defined REAL love the best in "The Road Less Traveled" - "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." It doesn't get any more beautiful than that - we help you to heal and grow, and in the process we help ourselves to heal and grow.
Please, Kathy, stop thinking that you aren't good enough. Your husband didn't run away because you weren't good enough, he ran away because he couldn't handle anyone knowing him so intimately. Basically, he wimped out. He has no idea what it is like to truly love someone and to be truly loved in return. You think he ran away from you; in reality, he ran away from himself. Real love involves real intimacy and he just wasn't up to the task. His depths were too frightening for him to confront. I know that leaves you alone and swimming in your own depths, Kathy, but that's exactly where you need to be. You wouldn't have let yourself go there if you weren't strong enough to swim. You are SO much better off without him. This is not your failure, Kathy, it's the beginning of your triumph.
You said you wish God would help because you are a good person inside. I heard echoes of myself crying out the same thing during my last breakup. The pain so much to take, and I know that it seems like God is so far away from you right now. Feeling alone, SO desperately alone SUCKS. But I had to learn all over again that God is not a punishing God or a distant God. He is right here, all around us. God gives us precisely what we need for our own growth and healing, every minute of every day. It's no fun when we get thrown such a grueling pop quiz, but God is smiling right now, knowing that you have what it takes to ace this one. Years from now, or maybe even much sooner than that, you will look back and say it was all worth it.
You have an amazing opportunity to really find the treasure that is inside you, Kathy. LOVE yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Look within, but don't be critical of yourself. Validate your feelings. Spoil yourself and do what YOU want to do, when you're ready to do it. If you feel like crying, do it. A good cry can be so cleansing and feel so sweet as much as it hurts. Above all, be PATIENT with yourself. This is a big one to tackle, and real, lasting healing takes time. (I still have to remind myself of that one.) We are all pulling for you, Kathy.
Peace and Love.
poster:Todd
thread:35034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000526/msgs/35149.html