Posted by janice on October 21, 1999, at 1:10:26
In reply to Re: feeling ugly, posted by dove on October 20, 1999, at 10:36:41
dove,
Geez could I relate to everything you said. I love your long responses. When new age people talk about how we create our world; you and I know exactly what they are talking about. Except, of course, we can't control our states; but we know how our states, our emotions create our world, day by day, mood by mood. Yes, there are at least 6 billion different worlds out there.
my eating history is similar to yours. I'd starve myself for days (I generally can't stand eating, especially having to do it 3 times a day-an ADD thing). And then I'd binge (say once a week on a great big pizza). I certainly never planned the eating disorder or was even conscious of it. It's wild how whacky my life has been.
my manic phases often involved knowing how to make everyone blissfully happy. As far as I can tell now, they were as real as any depression. I used to talk to spirits sometimes (I couldn't call them, they would just spontaneously come to me) and everything the spirits ever told me came true. Some manias seem more real than even depression.
so your self-image depends on your manic-depressive cycle? I'm stable for the first time in my life, and now after reading your posting, I'm thinking that perhaps I have never had the time to build any self-esteem (accomplishments and goals mean nothing if your manic depressive). you're right, our self-image relies/relied solely on the manic depressive cycle.
Maybe my feeling ugly is about my need to build my self-esteem like any regular person does. Maybe feeling ugly is a metaphor for how I feel about my life. Most pepole probably build their self-esteem before they are 34.
So far, none of my accomplishments mean anything to me. I wonder how you get accomplishments to mean anything? I'm not depressed, but how do you get things to matter to you. I find that what others deem to be of high value generally seems useless and petty to me. By my nature, I am basically a complete rebel.
I like to think I've come a long ways, but I believe I may have a long ways to go yet. I could quite possibly die before I feel good. now that's depressing.dove, I'm sorry to hear you're not having any luck with your medications. Have you started your mood stabilizer yet?
Unstably stable, Janice.
what I will probably need at the end of all these wonderful posting is a psychiatrist to analyze my responses.
poster:janice
thread:13470
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991016/msgs/13557.html