Posted by Racer on October 20, 1999, at 11:39:54
In reply to Re: feeling ugly, posted by dove on October 20, 1999, at 10:36:41
Isn't it sad that it's women who feel ugly in response to depression? I'm sure men do, too, but they must channel it differently. I for one would love to know how they cope, since it really does seem to be a focus for women.
Noa has a good point, that photographs are 2D, while we're all 3D. It is a combination of movement and the interplay of light and shadow, as well as attitude, that attracts one.
As for the general question here, I do know that I feel attractive enough most of the time these days. It's only when my self-conciousness strikes that I suddenly turn to a homely chick. The best thing in the world for me has been teaching. The first day I showed up for class and wanted to cry, I thought I was thoroughly incompetant, and would expose myself as a fraud. Instead, all my evaluations mention my ability to express technical concepts in understandable ways. I'm very proud of that, and I feel pretty dang good about it.
Now if I could find that balance for my students between the technical side of what the computer actually does, and the user experience... Maybe they don't have to understand the capacitors... (JOKING!!! I only tell them the things that matter to using a computer...)
My mother, by the way, used to say to me, "It really doesn't matter what you look like, dear, no one will be looking at you anyway." Most people think that cruel, but she had a very clear, and clearly explained, meaning: most of the world doesn't really see us. They're so caught up in their own concerns that they don't look at others. That means that one has a great advantage if one looks at others and tries to draw them out. If one makes an effort to make someone else feel comfortable, that will bring comfort to the exchange and obviate the need for self-consciousness.
Mother's other trick was to define the terms. Self-conscious: conscious of the self. So, how do you get over it? Be conscious of someone else. That has worked wonders for me, at times, and I recommend it as a way to feel pretty. If you're conscious of someone else for a while, that person will respond to you as being attractive, no matter how you look, and that will help you feel attractive. At least, it has worked for me many times!
My mother, by the way, is a squirrel. She is very eccentric, but she's got some very profound wisdom. Please note: for all the troubles we've had, if anyone criticises her, I'll be asking that bubba to step outside and repeat them words! (We're not sure what planet my mother is from, but I'm sure it's a nice one...)
poster:Racer
thread:13470
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991016/msgs/13501.html