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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 10:47:48
I just had an unusually vivid dream about my ex-T (the most recent one). I was in a crowded coffee shop in a mall with my family and I ran into her. At first she acted awkward and ran off (at which point I told my family who she was). They said wow that must be weird to run into her and also it must be nice having someone like that in your life (I guess they didn't know I had dumped her).
My family included my ex-stepsister whom I haven't seen for years, my father, and my mother, who have been divorced since I was little.
The ex-T came back a little while later with *her* family, which included her husband and two sons, who were much younger than they are in real life. She said they had Christmas presents for me, and they were holding two wrapped gifts. We all laughed about how it was April and a bit late for Christmas presents.
I opened them--they were some type of journals or books but she had embroidered some stuff on them. Then her husband showed me a picture of himself taken two days before. He had white hair and a white beard. He was clipping the sides of the photo.
Her younger son started cuddling with me and then her husband told me she nursed them both till they were eight. I asked how old the younger one was (he was pretty like a girl with long hair and wanted me to play with his hair a lot)--he was nine and a half, he said.
She mentioned her daughter, which gave me a start because I always thought she didn't have a daughter. Actually, it hurt really badly but I tried to let it go.
I remember holding my mother really tight at one point and acting kind of like a child. This was actually before I was cuddling her son.
Then we all went outside and we were hanging out in this big park. Then the two boys and their father jumped in a swimming hole and I think I swam with them too. Then it started snowing, big giant, beautiful snowflakes. I remarked at how odd that was.
Then fireworks started and I realized it was the 4th of July. I lay down on the grass to watch them. I think I saw my ex-T and her husband embrace in celebration out of the corner of my eye.
Then I woke up.
I have no idea what to make of any of it, really. But I don't remember ever having any sort of intricate dream like that about her before and I remember so many details. There were a few moments in the dream when I felt bad (first running into her, hearing she had a daughter, a little bit when I heard she nursed her kids till they were eight--I felt jealous, but I also thought to myself, this woman is nuts). But most of the time it was a pretty good feeling, like we were all having fun together and bonding.
If anyone has any interpretations I'd love to hear them. I am terrible at dream interpretation. None of it really makes any sense to me and I just wanted to get it down before I forgot everything.
Posted by Phillipa on April 17, 2008, at 11:36:50
In reply to Dream about my ex-T (long and weird), posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 10:47:48
Maybe your mind has just realized that you terminated on own right and is processing it? Love Phillipa
Posted by raisinb on April 17, 2008, at 12:21:23
In reply to Dream about my ex-T (long and weird), posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 10:47:48
Hi Crushed--
What a cool dream! Thanks for posting it. I have some random thoughts that may or may not be accurate.
First, the seasons changed as the dream progressed. Maybe the dream was a snapshot or summary of your therapy with this T? When a "season" in our lives ends, I think our minds try to look at the experience as a whole and integrate it, figure out what it means to us, so that we can go on.
Second, I hear an internal conflict. You were there with your family, yet you wanted to be part of hers (the jealousy, the swimming with her sons). So you feel as if your childhood/family was inadequate and you long to be her daughter instead.
But you also realize that staying with her, being "part" of her life, would be unhealthy for you--keeping you in an infantilized position. (Her son, at eight, should have moved forward into a different developmental stage, but was kept inappropriately young and dependent by her nursing him so long).
It's understandable that you should feel conflicted about this--longing to stay in that dependent position where you get taken care of, yet knowing, as an adult, that your needs are more complex, that you need to grow as a person, expand into your life as fully independent, yet connected self. I think therapy--especially, maybe difficult therapy--brings out this conflict (which everyone has) so strongly. You're in this dependent position, but you need to grow.
I read it as your mind trying to come to terms with what happened. What did I learn from this relationship? Did I waste my time? Where do I fit in my narrative of life?
Posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 12:54:20
In reply to Re: Dream about my ex-T (long and weird) » crushedout, posted by raisinb on April 17, 2008, at 12:21:23
Thanks raisinb. I love your interpretation. It's making me cry so I think it's right on.
Posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 13:07:55
In reply to Dream about my ex-T (long and weird), posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 10:47:48
Wow, that was an intense reaction. I want to go back and read what you wrote again raisinb but I don't feel strong enough. I just broke down pretty hard when I read it the first time and I realized that I hadn't cried in a while, and probably haven't cried that much about the loss at all. Probably have some grieving left to do. Ugh. Does it ever end?I think things are just really hard right now. The dream was kind of a feelgood dream in a weird way, and your interpretation feels cathartic but too painful for me to deal with. Maybe I can come back to it. Because I can't really think critically about any of this right now--I just have this big jumble of thoughts and feelings, few of which make much sense to me.
It's hard feeling like I have no one in this world who knows or cares if I live or die from day to day other than my cat. The truth was, my T didn't really know or care any more than anyone else but I kind of pretended to myself that she did. Of course I am exaggerating, as I have friends and family who care about me very much. But sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that.
Gosh, I think I'm just rambling. Sorry.
Posted by raisinb on April 17, 2008, at 13:34:02
In reply to Re: Dream about my ex-T (long and weird)))raisinb, posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 13:07:55
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know it would be so intense for you. I hope you are okay. Keep posting and let us know.
I wish you had someone to help you sort through your feelings about this, even though I think your decision to stay out of therapy makes sense right now on several levels. Just stay safe.
I know how you feel about being alone, but as you yourself said, it isn't true. And your therapist of course did care, but ultimately that wasn't the issue.
Posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 13:41:01
In reply to Re: Dream about my ex-T (long and weird)))raisinb » crushedout, posted by raisinb on April 17, 2008, at 13:34:02
No, no, please don't be sorry. I really love your interpretation and I guess I needed to cry. I'll be ok.
This is the end of the thread.
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