Posted by raisinb on April 17, 2008, at 12:21:23
In reply to Dream about my ex-T (long and weird), posted by crushedout on April 17, 2008, at 10:47:48
Hi Crushed--
What a cool dream! Thanks for posting it. I have some random thoughts that may or may not be accurate.
First, the seasons changed as the dream progressed. Maybe the dream was a snapshot or summary of your therapy with this T? When a "season" in our lives ends, I think our minds try to look at the experience as a whole and integrate it, figure out what it means to us, so that we can go on.
Second, I hear an internal conflict. You were there with your family, yet you wanted to be part of hers (the jealousy, the swimming with her sons). So you feel as if your childhood/family was inadequate and you long to be her daughter instead.
But you also realize that staying with her, being "part" of her life, would be unhealthy for you--keeping you in an infantilized position. (Her son, at eight, should have moved forward into a different developmental stage, but was kept inappropriately young and dependent by her nursing him so long).
It's understandable that you should feel conflicted about this--longing to stay in that dependent position where you get taken care of, yet knowing, as an adult, that your needs are more complex, that you need to grow as a person, expand into your life as fully independent, yet connected self. I think therapy--especially, maybe difficult therapy--brings out this conflict (which everyone has) so strongly. You're in this dependent position, but you need to grow.
I read it as your mind trying to come to terms with what happened. What did I learn from this relationship? Did I waste my time? Where do I fit in my narrative of life?
poster:raisinb
thread:823781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823798.html