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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
Guys, Im bad , very bad . I have been on Nardil
for 6 days at 45mg. I canīt stop thinking
about killing me. This thougths are very
very strong, like never before. I have thougth
how and where to do it . Dont know when .
what is so good about life? tell me a good
reason to keep bearing this disease. Dad told
today that I canīt do this to them, but believe
me I canīt control this, this is stronger than
me , I think I have reach a limit . Why not believe that this is a good solution? Im gonna
stop suffering, why they can look it in this way?
I dont wanna keep living like this. Im going
to the bed, I wish I dont wake up tomorrow
Im sorry to make posts like this, I donīt want
to scare anybody, it is just that I feel so
bad and this is the only place I can look for.
Posted by Glydin on March 13, 2006, at 21:37:05
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
I am so sorry you are having these feelings and I well know you don't have control over them right now. What I would like you to realize is, it's the depression talking and it is a horrible monster that will have you believe things that aren't true - what it's saying to you isn't true.
I know this is very difficult and I know it's very appealing to stop the pain NOW. I hope you will call your doc. You need to keep yourself safe. You are important and you would be missed.
Posted by Maxime on March 13, 2006, at 21:54:44
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
Tep, I made a suicide attempt in November and then spent 2 months in the hospital. Go to a hospital NOW. If you go now then you won't have stay as long as I did. I understand your pain, I truly do. I've been there. I'm still there some days.
Go to an emergency. They will help you.
Hugs,
Maxime
> Guys, Im bad , very bad . I have been on Nardil
> for 6 days at 45mg. I canīt stop thinking
> about killing me. This thougths are very
> very strong, like never before. I have thougth
> how and where to do it . Dont know when .
> what is so good about life? tell me a good
> reason to keep bearing this disease. Dad told
> today that I canīt do this to them, but believe
> me I canīt control this, this is stronger than
> me , I think I have reach a limit . Why not believe that this is a good solution? Im gonna
> stop suffering, why they can look it in this way?
> I dont wanna keep living like this. Im going
> to the bed, I wish I dont wake up tomorrow
> Im sorry to make posts like this, I donīt want
> to scare anybody, it is just that I feel so
> bad and this is the only place I can look for.
>
>
Posted by NEEDHELPPLEASE on March 13, 2006, at 21:55:47
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths ŧ tepiaca, posted by Glydin on March 13, 2006, at 21:37:05
sorry to hear your in such desperation right now,
what i try to do when i'm in a bad place like you are right now is think about it like this,,If you give up/give in, then you've lost! as long as you keep fighting, keep trying, live one day at a time and find small pleasures in any given day, whatever it takes, just don't give up!
then, you are and always will be a winner!
no one can take that from you, it's too easy to give up and quit; you are a winner and matter in this world as long as you don't give up!!!!!
we all feel like this from time to time,things will get better , just be strong and seek the help you need, never give up,
god bless you!
Posted by JaclinHyde on March 13, 2006, at 22:07:12
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths, posted by NEEDHELPPLEASE on March 13, 2006, at 21:55:47
When I went through this the only thought that made it bearable was that tomorrow might just be better than today. You've gotta try to give the nardil another week or two. Go to the hospital if you have to, there is no shame in asking for help. You are needed and loved and would be sorely missed. Hang in there and talk to us.
JH
Posted by Phillipa on March 13, 2006, at 22:16:19
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths, posted by JaclinHyde on March 13, 2006, at 22:07:12
Tepi you know how much I care about you. And that beautiful woman by your side would never forget if you killed yourself. Please go to the ER Now!!! Go to one in the states where your grilfriend is. Love Jan
Posted by fairywings on March 13, 2006, at 22:56:14
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
Call your pdoc asap and tell them what's happening, sometimes it's the meds. if you can't get into see your pdoc right away, or can't hang in there, go to the ER. In the meantime, hope you have someone to sit through this with you or take you to the ER.
fw
Posted by psychopharmacon on March 14, 2006, at 1:39:09
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths ŧ tepiaca, posted by fairywings on March 13, 2006, at 22:56:14
I'm sorry I can't say anything to help you, but I was in a similar position some months ago. What got rid of my suicidal thoughts was a low dose of amisulpride, an antipsychotic.
Posted by willyee on March 14, 2006, at 4:25:22
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
When i have days i havent shaved,dont want to get up in the morning,letting my bills rise,look around and i feel i let all hell break loose.
Then i remeber every single time i have one of thse phases where i feel theres no comming back,im always reminded to myself of a day AFTER where i strutted around feeling better,so just remeber right now ur under the spell but u will come up for air,its the process of this hell disease but u will come up,try to remeber ur in no condition to make such a decision like that now,on who u will hurt,is it the right thing etc.
Like any decisiion dont make this one under ur current status either.
I remeber sitting in the hospotal so embarrsed i thought id never ever feel good again,and many times after i felt good different things from how i was looking working out,webpages i made,how well i looked emotionaly etc,.....so u do snap out of it,give it time,
Posted by TylerJ on March 14, 2006, at 9:34:19
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
>
> Guys, Im bad , very bad . I have been on Nardil
> for 6 days at 45mg. I canīt stop thinking
> about killing me. This thougths are very
> very strong, like never before. I have thougth
> how and where to do it . Dont know when .
> what is so good about life? tell me a good
> reason to keep bearing this disease. Dad told
> today that I canīt do this to them, but believe
> me I canīt control this, this is stronger than
> me , I think I have reach a limit . Why not believe that this is a good solution? Im gonna
> stop suffering, why they can look it in this way?
> I dont wanna keep living like this. Im going
> to the bed, I wish I dont wake up tomorrow
> Im sorry to make posts like this, I donīt want
> to scare anybody, it is just that I feel so
> bad and this is the only place I can look for.
>
Please go to the Emergency/Hospital . As Phillipia said in the US if possible. Regardless of where, please just get yourself to a hospital. At a Hospital you can get the help you need. Please think of your family, friends, and loved ones, how devistated they would be if you did it. What your going through is not uncommon,(granted it's horrible) I think most of us here have been suicidal before, I know I have. Tepi, when you get feeling better, and you will, you will look back at this and say, I can't believe I almost did it..you'll be glad you didn't. Tepi, we here at Babble care about you very much, and we're all saying the same thing...PLEASE go to the HOSPTITAL.Your friend,
Tyler
Posted by jay on March 14, 2006, at 15:02:58
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
Hi...
I am sorry you are in so much pain...and those doctors..they know you don't have to be in such pain. First, get yourself to a doctor, emergency room or whatever. Your best bet medication wise may come from the anti-suicidal properties of atypical antipsychotics like Zyprexa or Risperdal, even at a bit higher than normal dose. That will treat that horrible suicidal feeling inside...calm it all down. You must get this as soon as possible my friend...mostly to relieve your pain. If you can't get there alone, get someone to take you, or get a cab or something. This is a life-threatening situation, made to be treated like any horrible accident or such. Please take care of yourself.
Best,
Jay
Posted by Maxime on March 14, 2006, at 16:36:53
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths ŧ tepiaca, posted by jay on March 14, 2006, at 15:02:58
Tep, how are you doing? Did you call anyone or go to the ER?
I'm thinking about you.
Maxime
Posted by scrapper on March 14, 2006, at 17:11:19
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
Please do NOT do anything hasty. I have been treated for depression, since 1989. Then, from mid-summer of last year through, about the middle of February, I suffered terribly from epileptic seizures...at least several a day! Not ONE single doctor could help me. I was living alone and feeling just are YOU are NOW. However, on February 1, of this year...I TRULY repented from sin, accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, was baptized in water and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Within two weeks of my baptism, I was COMPLETELY HEALED!! Since then, I have NEVER had such a will to CELEBRATE life! I GUARANTEE, IF YOU FOLLOW THIS PATH, YOU WILL BE HEALED!!! You will remain in my prayers! God bless you.
Posted by Declan on March 14, 2006, at 17:44:11
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
Hi Tepi
I don't suppose there's a good reason not to kill yourself. If we looked at life rationally we might try to kill ourselves more often. But once it's done and you're dead, something truly lovely and beautiful is killed forever. There is so much humanity in all of us, and in you in particular, and much of that is bound up with our suffering. I mean life sucks anyway, even if you're not depressed. "It is said that the amount of suffering in life equals the amount of pleasure. We can test the truth of this by looking at the following situation where one animal is eating another." (Or something like that) Schopenhauer. You are a very warm and lovely person and I want you to be as well and eventually as happy as you can be on this earth.
love
Declan
Posted by Jakeman on March 14, 2006, at 21:16:36
In reply to Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 13, 2006, at 21:08:44
tepiaca,
if you can, hold on for the rest of us who are also on the edge. I want to hear your story.
warm regard, Jake
> Guys, Im bad , very bad . I have been on Nardil
> for 6 days at 45mg. I canīt stop thinking
> about killing me. This thougths are very
> very strong, like never before. I have thougth
> how and where to do it . Dont know when .
> what is so good about life? tell me a good
> reason to keep bearing this disease. Dad told
> today that I canīt do this to them, but believe
> me I canīt control this, this is stronger than
> me , I think I have reach a limit . Why not believe that this is a good solution? Im gonna
> stop suffering, why they can look it in this way?
> I dont wanna keep living like this. Im going
> to the bed, I wish I dont wake up tomorrow
> Im sorry to make posts like this, I donīt want
> to scare anybody, it is just that I feel so
> bad and this is the only place I can look for.
>
>
Posted by tepiaca on March 14, 2006, at 23:28:32
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths ŧ tepiaca, posted by Jakeman on March 14, 2006, at 21:16:36
I am here Im sorry Im sorry , I dont
want you to think that I just want to call your
attention believe me I am suffering a lot. I am
bearing all this pain. I didnīt call the ER , I just tell my family what I had in mind , they cried telling me not to do this thing. I tried
to convince them that I will finally stop
suffering If I am dead , they canīt understand this . I know this is not something normal and
that nobody in this world would accept someone to
commit suicide. Believe me I can understand
I have a mental problem, what I cant accept is that Im going to live like this forever. I CANT
Tell me that there is something that is going to
take this fear away . I cant go to the doctor just to hear the same and the same, SSRIS , TCAS , BENZOS , I know all that meds , they dont
do anything , I need something really strong .
Im increasing my Nardil dose to 60 but I cant
find relief to my depression yet.
Guys just help me that this fear go away, I could
live with depression I think , but no with this
horrible fear . I would exchange one of my arms
or one of my eyes or my ears or anything to be
better, I would try to help others always, I just
want mental peace, this is the worst punishment
me and my family could ever received.
I canīt kill myself , but when I think that I have to be like this all my life is when I doubt
it, and its when I try to miss all that my family and you guys tell me in your posts. I just want relief of my fear. I need to work, who is gonna give me money? . I have thougth Im schizoprenic , this is not a common depression, this is a nigthmare.
Im not doing anything bad, just tell me there is a med that can make me be a normal person, with no fear, tell me please I need something to fix my life.
I accept I was not like this one year ago, I accept I can be better, feel better, but I can not accept that I can be happy, I never have been happy since all this started , I need a miracle
only a miracle can help me now . Im a here in front of the PC, Im gonna stay here sit for more time
I dont know what to tell you. I read all your posts, I appreciatte your concern for this
crazy boy.
guys think you have the same fear I have, what
would you do? , tell me cause I have to do something , I know there are many smart guys out there, what do you suggest me to do for the fear?
Posted by TylerJ on March 15, 2006, at 5:56:20
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 14, 2006, at 23:28:32
>
> I am here Im sorry Im sorry , I dont
> want you to think that I just want to call your
> attention believe me I am suffering a lot. I am
> bearing all this pain. I didnīt call the ER , I just tell my family what I had in mind , they cried telling me not to do this thing. I tried
> to convince them that I will finally stop
> suffering If I am dead , they canīt understand this . I know this is not something normal and
> that nobody in this world would accept someone to
> commit suicide. Believe me I can understand
> I have a mental problem, what I cant accept is that Im going to live like this forever. I CANT
> Tell me that there is something that is going to
> take this fear away . I cant go to the doctor just to hear the same and the same, SSRIS , TCAS , BENZOS , I know all that meds , they dont
> do anything , I need something really strong .
> Im increasing my Nardil dose to 60 but I cant
> find relief to my depression yet.
> Guys just help me that this fear go away, I could
> live with depression I think , but no with this
> horrible fear . I would exchange one of my arms
> or one of my eyes or my ears or anything to be
> better, I would try to help others always, I just
> want mental peace, this is the worst punishment
> me and my family could ever received.
> I canīt kill myself , but when I think that I have to be like this all my life is when I doubt
> it, and its when I try to miss all that my family and you guys tell me in your posts. I just want relief of my fear. I need to work, who is gonna give me money? . I have thougth Im schizoprenic , this is not a common depression, this is a nigthmare.
> Im not doing anything bad, just tell me there is a med that can make me be a normal person, with no fear, tell me please I need something to fix my life.
> I accept I was not like this one year ago, I accept I can be better, feel better, but I can not accept that I can be happy, I never have been happy since all this started , I need a miracle
> only a miracle can help me now . Im a here in front of the PC, Im gonna stay here sit for more time
> I dont know what to tell you. I read all your posts, I appreciatte your concern for this
> crazy boy.
> guys think you have the same fear I have, what
> would you do? , tell me cause I have to do something , I know there are many smart guys out there, what do you suggest me to do for the fear?Hi Tep, After reading your post, I want you to know that YES I've experienced pretty much the same thing you are going through...it's awful I know, but I kept fighting back even though sometimes I didn't think could go on even a minute more. And now finally I'm doing better. Taking my life would have been a terrible thing to do to my Family...my wife and our two beautiful boys, my sisters and brother, etc.
Your not going to like what I'm going to say,if at all possible come to the U.S. But even if you can't I think you should be hospitolized for at least 3 days in the care of a Psychiatrist. Ithink they need to run many tests on you,i.e., thryroid, hormonal, blood, and complete mental evalution, So they can determine an accurate diagnosis for you. Then they can treat you with the right medicine, CBT, etc. Can they do this for you in Mexico? I relly think this is so impt. because I remember you telling me that you didn't really know what your diagnosis is. Otherwise, everythings going to be hit and miss.
Many things need to be ruled out for a correct diagnosis.So, please find a way to get a good Pdoc, have tests run, and then he and you can decide a medication or medications to treat your illness. I know you hurting really bad Tepi, and I'm very sad for and worried about you. Please stay in touch with us and I'll continue to pray for you as well.Your friend, Tyler
Posted by JaclinHyde on March 15, 2006, at 9:45:18
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths ŧ tepiaca, posted by TylerJ on March 15, 2006, at 5:56:20
Hey Tep, I hope you got my babblemail but in case you didn't this is worth repeating. I know what you are going through. 25 years ago I was in your exact same spot, depressed and riddled with panic attacks. I was put on Nardil just like you. Now in my mind as I am sure it's in yours I knew it would take more than one week for it to work but in my heart I was so desperate that after that week had passed and I wasn't 110% better I felt completely and utterly hopeless. So I called my doctor and moaned.."It's not working!" to which he said something brilliant that keep me hanging on to hope. He asked me if I was experiencing any side effects or strange feelings. I said "well yes I am" and then he said "well that's proof that it is in there doing something. Just give it another week or so." It made perfect sense. And I bet it makes sense to you too. Tepi hold on to the fact that there really is a light at the end of this tunnel....you just have to be patient. Not an easy thing to do when you are hurting, I know. But if you are like most people Nardil will be your magic bullet too. Just post and post and post until your fingers hurt. We are all here cheering you on!!
Much love,
JH
Posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2006, at 11:05:18
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougthsTep, posted by JaclinHyde on March 15, 2006, at 9:45:18
I E-mailed him and addressed to his family too. But there has been no reply. I know he knows how to E-mail as he'e Emailed me before. I wonder if him family only speaks Spanish or Mexican. If that's so they the language on the board needs to be changed. Does anyone one know Mexican? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2006, at 13:36:30
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougthsTep ŧ JaclinHyde, posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2006, at 11:05:18
Thankfully you are still with us and please get a proper diagnois. It's not like a cut on an arm where you can see the injury. Doesn't your girlfriend live in the states. go there. Love Jan. ps Eddy is blocked Does he have your E-mail address?
Posted by Maxime on March 15, 2006, at 14:07:25
In reply to Re: Strong suicide thougths, posted by tepiaca on March 14, 2006, at 23:28:32
Tep, we're in the same place you and I. I wish I could tell you with certainty that you are going to feel better, but I can't. I scared of the same thing for myself.
Let's hold on to each other.
Hugs,
Maxime> I am here Im sorry Im sorry , I dont
> want you to think that I just want to call your
> attention believe me I am suffering a lot. I am
> bearing all this pain. I didnīt call the ER , I just tell my family what I had in mind , they cried telling me not to do this thing. I tried
> to convince them that I will finally stop
> suffering If I am dead , they canīt understand this . I know this is not something normal and
> that nobody in this world would accept someone to
> commit suicide. Believe me I can understand
> I have a mental problem, what I cant accept is that Im going to live like this forever. I CANT
> Tell me that there is something that is going to
> take this fear away . I cant go to the doctor just to hear the same and the same, SSRIS , TCAS , BENZOS , I know all that meds , they dont
> do anything , I need something really strong .
> Im increasing my Nardil dose to 60 but I cant
> find relief to my depression yet.
> Guys just help me that this fear go away, I could
> live with depression I think , but no with this
> horrible fear . I would exchange one of my arms
> or one of my eyes or my ears or anything to be
> better, I would try to help others always, I just
> want mental peace, this is the worst punishment
> me and my family could ever received.
> I canīt kill myself , but when I think that I have to be like this all my life is when I doubt
> it, and its when I try to miss all that my family and you guys tell me in your posts. I just want relief of my fear. I need to work, who is gonna give me money? . I have thougth Im schizoprenic , this is not a common depression, this is a nigthmare.
> Im not doing anything bad, just tell me there is a med that can make me be a normal person, with no fear, tell me please I need something to fix my life.
> I accept I was not like this one year ago, I accept I can be better, feel better, but I can not accept that I can be happy, I never have been happy since all this started , I need a miracle
> only a miracle can help me now . Im a here in front of the PC, Im gonna stay here sit for more time
> I dont know what to tell you. I read all your posts, I appreciatte your concern for this
> crazy boy.
> guys think you have the same fear I have, what
> would you do? , tell me cause I have to do something , I know there are many smart guys out there, what do you suggest me to do for the fear?
This is the end of the thread.
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