![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 38. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 15:41:27
I'm scared of 230 new people coming to Babble.
:-(
I feel bad.
I want to cry.
Posted by TexasChic on November 8, 2008, at 16:04:00
In reply to I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 15:41:27
Maybe the study is about whether or not coming to a place like babble for support helps people who suffer from depression, anxiety, etc. Maybe the people are just people like us, in therapy and on meds, and they're being asked to come here for support and report back what their experience was like. That's what I first thought of when I read it.
-T
Posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 16:12:16
In reply to Re: I'm scared » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on November 8, 2008, at 16:04:00
That's what I thought too.
I just don't deal well with change. If I did I probably wouldn't have so many problems.
I read about babies and their temperments. I'm not the baby that goes explore new things and places. I'm the baby that gets fearful and cries.
I think I was born this way. I'm fearful of most things.
I'm just afraid of the unknown. 230 people is a lot. If they all posted Babble would become an unfamilar place. I'm not good with names. I get confused. Maybe I'll just avoid the new people until I'm more comfortable.
Posted by Angela2 on November 8, 2008, at 17:54:47
In reply to I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 15:41:27
I kind of feel like that too Deneb. Like, there will be so many people and you'll get lost in the crowd. But I'm also excited. More posts to read! woot!
Posted by TexasChic on November 8, 2008, at 17:56:57
In reply to Re: I'm scared » TexasChic, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 16:12:16
Its so funny that you say that, I was just recently thinking of how adventurous you are and how much I admire that about you! You do all kinds of things I would be scared to do, and you're like half my age. You go to those babble get together things, travel alone and stay at a hostel, you said you would be more than happy to try pigs feet, you went to an Indian wedding (that just sounded so cool to me), you take all these hard *ss classes I don't even understand the names 'of... you are way more daring and brave than you give yourself credit for! There's nothing wrong with being scared. Its what you do with that fear that makes the difference. And you overcome it way more often than you realize you do!
Anyway, I'm gushing and I think I tend to embarrass you when I do that, so I will stop with 'the greatness that is Deneb' speech (LOL). As for the 230 people, yeah, that sounds pretty freaking scary to me too. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. He said there may be as many as 230 people, which means there could be less, and if its the way we were talking about, they might be more scared than we are! Just some scared lonely people who are being asked, hey try this and let us know if it helps, then we can write a big long paper about it and feel important (LOL)!
-T
Posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:06:41
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Angela2 on November 8, 2008, at 17:54:47
I think I'm getting scared because other people are freaking out about it. I'm easily influenced by other people.
Maybe it won't be that scary.
I feel bad today. Help.
Posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:27:38
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:06:41
I feel bad. I want to die or something. :-(
I'm upset.
Help.
Posted by TexasChic on November 8, 2008, at 18:50:54
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:27:38
Oh Deneb, why do you feel so bad? Are you worried about the test, or the 230 people? These are things beyond your control. I'm scared of the unknown too, that's my biggest fear. But you know this will pass, because you've been through it before. Just take some deep breaths, and try to think of something to take your mind off of it. You WILL be OKAY! I'm right here with you Deneb. Just wait it out.
-T
Posted by Angela2 on November 8, 2008, at 19:00:39
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:27:38
((((((((((Deneb))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are feeling bad right now. Change is hard. Believe me, when it comes to certain changes in my life, I can be so resistant. I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 8, 2008, at 21:24:47
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Angela2 on November 8, 2008, at 19:00:39
(((((Deneb*)))))
I'm sorry you're feeling small right now. You are going to be okay though. Can you do anything positive to distract yourself? Maybe get away from the computer for a few hours? Shopping? Go get some hot chocolate?
You're a good person. I was born with a fearful temperament too. yeah, it sucks, but I'm not sure that I'd want to be fearless either...
hugs,
ll
Posted by Racer on November 8, 2008, at 21:26:55
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:27:38
> I feel bad. I want to die or something. :-(
Deneb, isn't there something in between those two? Do you really "want to die?" Or do you want something else? Maybe to be comforted? To feel better? To have a French Vanilla milkshake? (Oh, wait -- that's me...) You're far past the stage you were in before -- you know you don't *really* want to die. And you even know you know how to express that better now...>
> I'm upset.Ah, yes -- there it is! Much better, bright star. You are upset.
>
> Help.
>
>Um, I bet you don't *reallY* want help from me, right? lol I'm not great with warm fuzzies, am I? Oh, well, let me try to offer some help, shall I?
Deneb, you've got a lot of insight into yourself now -- and you've said in this thread that you know you're influenced by others. Others have reacted to the idea of research with fear, with anxiety, with anger -- and that's communicated itself to you.
But then again -- some people have reacted to this with excitement: wow, lots of new people to "get to know," lots of new stories! Some have reacted by saying, "Gee, based on the rules of research, Dr Bob can't give us all the details -- that would skew the study. We're not participants, so the new people won't be trying to trick us in any way. He promised he'd tell us what he could when the study was over, so I guess I'll find out then." Here's my question for you to ponder, while you're pouring forth your light on us all: why are you more influenced by those who are upset, rather than by those who are excited? Can you find a reason for that?
As for change, well -- Honey, if you ain't good at change, I got some way bad news for you: you've changed tremendously in the past few years. I'll bet you find life a lot more pleasant because of it, too, don't you? This is just another opportunity to challenge yourself.
And Deneb? I am afraid of the unknown, too. I am not comfortable with change, either. And you know what? Life is not static, life is all about change. (Unless you give yourself a good coat of shellac.) I try to remind myself, "This is good for me. It builds character." And then I laugh, because that's just such a cliche. ;-)
Best to you, Deneb. Just remember -- Deneb is the brightest star in the sky.
Posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2008, at 23:27:23
In reply to I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Deneb, posted by Racer on November 8, 2008, at 21:26:55
Deneb I feel the same and I'm old. Phillipa hate change always have and always will but everything is changing. I remember when only black and white TV's and never heard of a computer. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:27:04
In reply to Re: I'm scared » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on November 8, 2008, at 18:50:54
I think I'm worried about both, maybe the test more.
Thanks for being with me TC.
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:27:47
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Angela2 on November 8, 2008, at 19:00:39
Thanks Angela. Change is scary too.
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:29:14
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 8, 2008, at 21:24:47
Thanks llurpsie,
I went for a walk. I wasn't upset as I was walking. I'm back now an I'm starting to get upset again after being OK in chat.
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:35:48
In reply to I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Deneb, posted by Racer on November 8, 2008, at 21:26:55
I think I have this habit of saying I want to die whenever I feel overwhelming bad emotions and I don't know how to handle them. Having the bad feelings stop would be preferable to death.
I'm sensitive to negative feelings. I tend to get anxious over getting excited, especially if others start getting anxious too. My thoughts then run away from me.
I was in chat and I felt better while in chat.
Right now I'm getting upset again, tearful. I don't know what is up.
I feel like I don't want to face life tomorrow, just sleep my days away. Maybe I'm stressed out.
Posted by caraher on November 9, 2008, at 7:18:56
In reply to Re: I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:35:48
> I think I have this habit of saying I want to die whenever I feel overwhelming bad emotions and I don't know how to handle them.
Could you possibly discipline yourself NOT to say you want to die in your Babble posts? Honestly, I find myself skipping your posts because I don't want to see that, and I don't consider myself overly sensitive to such things. I like you but seeing that sort of thing over and over again makes me not want to keep my distance, and I'd guess I'm not the only one.
I think it would also do you a world of good to say to yourself "I feel overwhelmed" rather than "I want to die" whenever you feel overwhelmed. It seems like a healthier habit.
Posted by fayeroe on November 9, 2008, at 10:18:32
In reply to Re: I'm scared, posted by Deneb on November 8, 2008, at 18:27:38
Deneb, I agree with Caraher.
I want to support you but I am having a great deal of trouble reading your posts. I wonder if your saying that you want to die is such a habit that you are falling back on it when you aren't feeling that way. It does get attention and we all want attention. But it is something that can bring people down.
This is the first posting of yours that I've read in months because it is hard to get invested when it can be the sameo, sameo.
As Bob says, "this isn't personal and it doesn't mean that I don't like you"........
Pat
Posted by Racer on November 9, 2008, at 10:59:04
In reply to Re: I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:35:48
Deneb, you've worked so hard, and you've developed such an enormous amount of insight into your emotions and behaviors over the past few years, and seeing you fall back on old, maladaptive patterns is difficult for me. It's not a question of not liking you, of course -- it's just that I have seen how much happier you are when you use your new skills! I'd far rather see you happier than more anxious.
So, now that you've proven you can see what you're doing -- what do you think you may do instead to cope with these feelings?
:-0 Scary thought, huh? That you already have the internal resources to address this!
Peace, little star.
Posted by Nadezda on November 9, 2008, at 12:12:37
In reply to Re: I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:35:48
It's a relief that you understand that "I want to die" really means "I feel overwhelmed by bad feelings." Maybe the one thing you need to add is-- that you also don't know how to self-sooth. I have that problem too-- and it's taken time, but there are techniques, which become more effective when practiced. There's also trying very hard, when you feel that overwhelming sense, and start saying "I want to die" to yourself, to remember that you don't want to die-- you want to feel better. If you practice saying that to yourself, I predict you'll feel much better than if you keep saying , "I want to die."
As an experiment, try thinking of a situation that you're a little worried about (not anything you're very upset by). Then think, "it's a disaster, it's hopeless, etc"-- and see how you feel. Then think of the situation, and say, "I'll be able to handle it, It isn't the end of things, I'll have another chance to repair it; it will turn out okay" (or other reassuring phrases)-=- and compare how to feel. I suspect you'll find that you feel much better if you say the second things-- than if you say t he first. That illustrates how powerful the words and thoughts you have can be-- in worsening how you feel, or relieving it.
I am really glad, though, that you're finding ways of getting relief-- like walking. But there are things you can do other than walking-- breathing slowly, thinking about a safe or happy place, and others. The next step is learning how to do those things.
Nadezda
Posted by Racer on November 9, 2008, at 13:15:28
In reply to Re: I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Deneb, posted by Nadezda on November 9, 2008, at 12:12:37
>... there are things you can do other than walking-- breathing slowly, thinking about a safe or happy place, and others. The next step is learning how to do those things.
>
> NadezdaAnd the next step after that is remembering to do those things when you need them...
That's where I sometimes have trouble...
(Then again, I'm not great at self-soothing techniques, either, so maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...)
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 23:03:09
In reply to Re: I'm gonna pull my hair out over you!, posted by caraher on November 9, 2008, at 7:18:56
I feel bad.
:-(
Posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 23:14:02
In reply to :-(, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 23:03:09
I'm not allowed to talk about some things. :-(
I have bad thoughts. :-(
Posted by fayeroe on November 10, 2008, at 11:17:50
In reply to Re: :-(, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 23:14:02
> I'm not allowed to talk about some things. :-(
>
> I have bad thoughts. :-(Deneb, I haven't been here for awhile but when I left you had made a lot of progress in your postings here.
Has something, specifically, happened to cause you to be upset?
Deneb, I can't post about "bad things" either here. It's like working at a prison when an employee has to tell an offender, "if I can't do it, you can't either".....A support forum has to have a certain balance to it, just as a workplace, a prison, etc.
We all have to have filters in our daily conversations with others. A filter enables us to think about our speech and decide whether or not it is appropriate for the situation. Talking about suicide on a mental health forum can be very upsetting to other posters and it isn't entirely fair to your friends here.
Have you been seeing your therapist? Perhaps she/he can help you with your thoughts.
Pat
>
>
Posted by Angela2 on November 10, 2008, at 16:18:55
In reply to Re: I'm gonna pull my hair out over you! » Racer, posted by Deneb on November 9, 2008, at 0:35:48
> I think I have this habit of saying I want to die whenever I feel overwhelming bad emotions and I don't know how to handle them. Having the bad feelings stop would be preferable to death.
>
> I'm sensitive to negative feelings. I tend to get anxious over getting excited, especially if others start getting anxious too. My thoughts then run away from me.
>
> I was in chat and I felt better while in chat.
>
> Right now I'm getting upset again, tearful. I don't know what is up.
>
> I feel like I don't want to face life tomorrow, just sleep my days away. Maybe I'm stressed out.
>
>Hi Deneb. Reading your post...it made me wonder..maybe you are lacking some skills when it comes to dealing with your overwhelming emotions? Although, it's GREAT that you can do things that soothe yourself! Like going for a walk, or talking in chat, etc. So maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, lol. It's just that I read somewhere that when you experience negative emotions, there is a lesson to be learned, or there is something you need to work on. In life, there is happiness and fun. And there is also disomfort and change. It is unavoidable. Although I wish it was! I really think you are on to something with doing the things that make you feel better when you feel crummy.
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.