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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by Kath on April 23, 2008, at 21:07:19
In reply to Re: I may not know you well, but I care, posted by Fivefires on April 21, 2008, at 17:16:53
Hey FF,
there are a couple of 'threads' going. How about starting a new one?
Just a thought.
you're in my thoughts.
luv, Kath
Posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 18:09:49
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on April 18, 2008, at 17:51:25
> FF did you see your pdoc today? Love Phillipa seems everyone is changing names very confusing.>
Moving from down upwards ... being date was 4-18, would say 'no' ... haven't seen for so long can't even find a calendar that old o_o; ok that's a stretch. Think saw in March.
Phone conversations only.
Although soon will see diff' pdoc every 30days for 15m and reg' pdoc every 90days for 15min, so that does give me at least one hour every 90 days!
I'm sick to stomach again. Can't eat a thing. Frown on face. Tummy distended. Fell like saying 'bad words' 'very bad words'.
I'm awaiting some inspiration to hit me here.
I am researching treatment centers w/ variety of docs on board.
I am wondering if I'm ready for an appt I've had scheduled for over two months now with an endocrinologist this coming Friday and thinking 'not at all', 'cuz, if no one see to help me here and they know what's going on, as they very well do now, why would this 'new stranger' be inclined to delve in?
Keep seeing myself standing on the corner in a sandwich board thingy, saying someting about death and healthcare ... very politically incorrect words though.
Anyone think of the right words that would get attn and aren't against law? I'm halfway serious.
Hope all well this Sunday ... heart and hand w/ you all
5f
Posted by Phillipa on April 27, 2008, at 19:10:24
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 18:09:49
FF time for the meds board active there. Phillipa
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 19:12:54
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 18:09:49
Nothing wrong with going to a new doctor, in my opinion.
If you can try & be concise & clear. Not easy when one is so upset, I know.
love, Kath
Posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 21:07:21
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on April 27, 2008, at 19:10:24
What's up with this Phillipa?
I'm going through all these emotions right now and none of them have to do with a change of meds. They have to do w/ what I may or may not face when I do this. I not only plan to switch to a medication which will be very foreign to my body, but also to, a few months later, detox off meds and with what I remember of before having them, live a life where you wake up feeling like someone shook your head and beat it against a wall all night long! And, then when I feel this, I think about the a**hole who did it to me, and the damned injustice of all of it. Why do I feel you are digging at me to hurt before it is to even begin? Don't you see how scared I am?
I'm sorry; I'm feeling pushed. You can't push someone when they are facing an entire change in their life.
Where is this coming from Phillipa?
Has a deputy instructed you to instruct me to move this thread?
5f
Posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 22:26:26
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 19:12:54
Yep, agree.
I'm glad I'll be 'heard' once a month now.
Clear and concise Kath? Try is all I can do; that does sound wimpy. Okay, I'll put forth a real effort to be so.
And, I will have 'two' pdocs which I think is better than one, ... ya' know two points of view, and two genders, and two makes it easier on the other one when on on pins and needles awaiting a return call. I do hope they'll let me continue this way, especially now that can see T only every 2wks again.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on April 27, 2008, at 22:33:53
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 21:07:21
Five Fires for exactly the reasons we discussed you're changing meds and you need to learn as much as possible before you begin. Social is for the emotional and friendly issues. If you like post here. It's your decision. Love you and you know this Love Phillipa ps I'd like to see you get as much feedback as you can.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 28, 2008, at 8:06:59
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on April 27, 2008, at 22:33:53
Hi 5f,
I am glad to hear that your treatment team is expanding. You are a very strong woman, and you deserve all the support you can get right now.Please take good care of yourself. Sometimes med changes throw in a kind wackiness into the system, which can upset what is already a delicate balance. Stay strong and try a drug for at least 2 weeks before you give up on it.
gentle hugs,
-LL
Posted by Fivefires on April 28, 2008, at 14:54:18
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on April 27, 2008, at 22:33:53
> Five Fires for exactly the reasons we discussed you're changing meds and you need to learn as much as possible before you begin.>
But you see I've not yet done so and it is support I was looking for right now. This fear is very very strong. If I haven't mentioned before, it's not just about an MAOI, but it's also become an issue of whether I choose to begin it in a week and a half, and it's also an issue of whether I choose to detox off a narcotic I've been on for four(4!) years. It's overwhelming so and this is why I've wanted to just get support her on the social board. I'm scared if I move over to medication or any other board, I will have put the horse before the cart and set myself up for something I've not yet 'made peace with in my ability to do so'.
>Social is for the emotional>
I am overwhelmed with emotions about these issues. They are choices. They are not mandated. With the support of some who care for me here maybe I can do one or both of these tasks I have set up, only partially.
Just today I'm thinking maybe it should be a combined task; inpatient begin detox and Nardil.(?) I don't know. I thought I'd call and get a referral to the pain management doctor. They should deal with a lot of depression as well as pain. I could see what he thought about this. There is a particular facility I'd be comfortable in to detox and only have my PCP on board with this, and even that isn't sure to get me there. I can't do this alone here.
I'm going to make that call today and get an appointment set up with this pain mgt doctor.
>and friendly issues.>
And I know you are my friend and appreciate it very much.
>If you like post here. It's your decision.>
I know. Thank you for saying this.
>Love you and you know this Love Phillipa ps I'd like to see you get as much feedback as you can.>
I will give it some thought today. Had a bad night last, but so far I've been able to get through half a day without yet running for my corner and my dad's throw, though as I speak of them, I feel it welling inside me.
I feel the same way about you. I'm sorry if I overreacted. Don't worry. I know you're trying to help. I'm just feeling so uncomfortably defensive. I probably didn't make this clear enough at all. I do have a hard time putting a name to my feelings and as well I suppress feelings and thoughts and truths w/o meaning to do so.
as all ways, 5f
Posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2008, at 17:18:01
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by Fivefires on April 28, 2008, at 14:54:18
FF an idea why not post in both places or read the med board see what others have to say and get the emotional support you need here. Sorry you're feeling so badly if anything I can do just call literally. Phillipa
Posted by Kath on April 28, 2008, at 20:01:38
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by Fivefires on April 27, 2008, at 22:26:26
> Clear and concise Kath? Try is all I can do; that does sound wimpy. Okay, I'll put forth a real effort to be so.Hi FF - I wasn't saying that you aren't! I hope you didn't think I was criticising you, because I wasn't. I just meant that since it was a new person, if you could present them with maybe the most important facts, etc, it would be good.
I know this is a tremendously stressful & scarey time for you FF - and understandably so.
I wish I could help.
luv, Kath
Posted by Fivefires on April 29, 2008, at 14:09:10
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 28, 2008, at 8:06:59
I'm not well at all LL, all above.
I'm loosin' it. I don't know where all these strong feelings are coming from. They remit for a few hours and they're back. Am I Jonesin' Xanax or Percocet, or both, or have I suffered some damage unrealized and the great Xanax isn't even enough to hold me anymore? No; I don't expect you all to have the answers for me. I'd never expect so much. I appreciate everything everyone has to say though. Yet, I haven't been acting very nicely lately.
I'm so confused. I think I probably should see what is going on over on the medication board. I didn't think discontinuing Flexeril 10mg t.i.d. would be anything difficult, but maybe it is or was doing more than I realized.
I'm in such a state right now tho'; I can barely sit here and my fingers are jumping around, nearly out of control.
Is like a bad moon or what?
If I were to post over there, I'm not even sure where I'd start. About the Nardil? Or, about the 'agreement w/ PCP to detox off pain meds' in few months. Or, what? This that I'm feeling is a real strong nervousness, an edgy, jumpy, ill-mannered feeling. I'm not myself. I jumped all over Phillipa who was just trying to help me.
Well I have to take a crying break. Lie down. Think. What is missing here?
Could this be something as simple as ending a 13yr relationship?
Or could it be the 'isolation' I feel so very strongly where I live here, now for 3yrs!!! I hate it. I see no one. No one sees me. No one calls. No one visits. I hate being alone.
Well I'm like a ball of string all tangled up. If I can't identify my feelings, I can't express them to a doc. And if I can't identify why I'm having whatever they are; I can't work through the situation.
I'm completely dumb-founded. (Is that one word, cuz' I feel dumb, and I feel like I haven't been 'founded' for a long time!?)
Posted by Phillipa on April 29, 2008, at 20:04:57
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger**, posted by Fivefires on April 29, 2008, at 14:09:10
FF my suggestion would be one for nardil and one for stopping the flexaril and seeing if it's a withdrawl issue? Did the doc say to just stop it or wean off it slowly? Have a feeling it's the immediate stopping not familiar with the med though. No apology needed. Love Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on April 30, 2008, at 4:39:17
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2008, at 17:18:01
A place here which is the best of two I would prefer to be admitted to may have a bed 2moro morn. I'm packing as the sooner I arrive @ either the center or the ER, the better chance I get the bed. I'm a nervous wreck, packing away, still need to shower and dress, stop and get a little cash. Pray this is all not for naught.(?)
Don't know how will contact 'from the inside'.
I have one of your phone numbers. I'd like to call this person and allow them to let you know how doing.
Thumbs crossed??? Prayers???? Some of that stuff you do Kath???? Sent it over please.
I was so near something bad. Maybe my prayers are being answered.
5f
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 30, 2008, at 4:56:08
In reply to See a light at the end of the tunnel :), posted by Fivefires on April 30, 2008, at 4:39:17
(((((((((((((5f))))))))))))))))
best of luck to you. I hope that you're able to keep us in the loop, but don't you stress out about it. Just focus on healing, okay?
love and gentle hugs,
-Ll
Posted by Kath on April 30, 2008, at 7:39:00
In reply to See a light at the end of the tunnel :), posted by Fivefires on April 30, 2008, at 4:39:17
((((((((((((((((((((((((FF))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hi Sweetie,
I'm sending you my loving thoughts, Reiki & holding Light around you hun.
Thanks for letting us know.
If you can't contact us, don't worry. Just focus on taking care of YOU. You're worth it.
I am so impressed that even in the midst of your anguish, you're able to push yourself to get ready!
Best of luck & sounds like a great idea to get there as early as you can. If they have this lady with her bags ready & waiting, it's gotta go in your favour!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE, Kath
Posted by seldomseen on April 30, 2008, at 12:45:01
In reply to See a light at the end of the tunnel :), posted by Fivefires on April 30, 2008, at 4:39:17
Good luck. I so hope this works out for you.
Seldom.
Posted by Fivefires on April 30, 2008, at 17:28:44
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on April 29, 2008, at 20:04:57
One what Phillipa?
I'm in another dimension or something here.
Yes, I stayed up most of night excitedly packing to go and learn to build my life back to a kind of life again, butt, I didn't leave!!!
Did I tell you?
I was writing something and it was taking too long, after packed and showered, and I called the facility and the freakin bed was GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! :(
It is evening. I am 'feelingless'.
Right after this happened this early day I cried a long long time.
Then came that awful anger again. I beat on my bed real hard w/ my fists and yelled obscenities into my covers. (Jeez I hope no one heard me; whoa; totally w/o marbles!) That went on for a long time.
I just aroused a while ago. A couple fam' members had been going to try and talk w/ them re: I and this was what I was writing about that tripped me up and I missed the bed o_o.
It 'a different night at least' 'experienced a vast variety of emotions in the last 24hrs. It was so easy for me to feel hopeful and happy when I was packing. I was even putting shampoo and conditioner in 3oz containers; thinking to myself 'I'm not flying anywhere, but maybe I will and then I'll have them ready'. Then deep sorrow. Then meanie me, angry me. Now just me.
Talk to all tonight.
Dang ... I see the follow up posts about the lights.
You guys had a light vigil thing for me :)
Raincheck?
This is not the end.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on April 30, 2008, at 19:43:59
In reply to It was just a reflection off a can on the ground., posted by Fivefires on April 30, 2008, at 17:28:44
FF so you're missed the bed so sorry. I was referring to one thread on nardil starting and another for withdrawing from flexarill. So will you continue to wait? Love Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on May 1, 2008, at 1:26:12
In reply to Re: See a light at the end of the tunnel :) » Fivefires, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 30, 2008, at 4:56:08
Ll ... may not be long b4 packing up all I just unpacked as now OCD all over the freakin' place.
I am taking on new diagnoses daily o_o.
I'm scared, ... company here ...; has to be this way. Cannot be alone.
C tomorrow. Company went to store and is now bringing things I couldn't go out to get.
Fam member very mad at me for not going to 'any' place; for wanting a comfortable place with smoking privileges and good food and grass and tables etc. Said if really want help there are other places. Yelled at fam' member horrible things. I'd been feeling proud I'd gotten as far as I had, but too proud maybe. Don't have a clue. Would others go anywhere even if very uncomfortable like food which looks like color of tray?
5f
Posted by Kath on May 1, 2008, at 21:06:02
In reply to Re: See a light at the end of the tunnel :), posted by Fivefires on May 1, 2008, at 1:26:12
Jeez FF - so sorry.
I was wondering if it would be a good idea to keep some things packed so next time you're ready & can go immediately!
I can understand why you'd want to go somewhere decent. So are you still on the waiting list for that place, or does one just keep calling & happens to find out a bed is free & it's 'first come first served'?
I send my love, Kath Will keep holding light; sending good thoughts, etc FF
luv, Kath
Posted by Fivefires on May 2, 2008, at 12:38:48
In reply to 'Light Holders' call to action! » Fivefires, posted by Kath on April 30, 2008, at 7:39:00
I'm not usually finding a 'call to action' so delightful K. Always had to be kinda' in charge ya' know. But, you make a pretty good captain here.
I know the way to go here, just a set back, something as ridiculous as speaking w/ the wrong person. When I do get there, I'm speaking with someone in their adm about the way incoming calls are handled. A person there is like a gate keeper to your one last hope and should be very sensitive to this. Well, some are not.
Last eve' discussed w/ someone at another number the proper route. Person did say there had been a couple weeks where there seemed to be nowhere one could get help, but was lightening up. Funny how it was easy to understand.
Anyway, I'm tired after this go around, so need to re-charge in some way before go at it again.
All of you just keep on being. You don't have to say anything ... I mean, I know we're on the same page here, and that's really what I needed from this thread, and I believe another on this board as well.
I just can't tie these knots quite yet. I'm usually not one for loose ends either.
You can tell I'm tired, not knowing what to say or do. Just need a little time.
I know you're here and am thankful, and will attend to this as able. Then again ... maybe there really is 'no loose end', I mean really.
Okay.
5f
Posted by Fivefires on May 2, 2008, at 12:39:49
In reply to I'll hold a light for you too!, posted by seldomseen on April 30, 2008, at 12:45:01
Copy that. Thank you.
5f
Posted by Fivefires on May 2, 2008, at 12:50:51
In reply to Re: See a light at the end of the tunnel :) » Fivefires, posted by Kath on May 1, 2008, at 21:06:02
I think now there is a waiting list of sorts and my name added, but it is a call 9a thing, and see. Prob' be easier to pack since had practice round. All this prepraration of mine wasn't quite so necessary I know. I was doing so in effort not to bother others around me later with retrieving things for me.
All right back at ya' there cap'
5f
Posted by Phillipa on May 2, 2008, at 13:29:45
In reply to Re: See a light at the end of the tunnel :), posted by Fivefires on May 2, 2008, at 12:50:51
Five Fires so still planning to go for med adjustment or detox rather confused about that. Make sure you make notes of what to say. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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