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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:19:30
I'm thinking of different OD scenarios to get me out of my midterm tomorrow. It's horrible. I'm thinking about it again. I just told my pdoc that I wasn't thinking about these things anymore.
I gotta think logically about this. My pdoc told me to think logically about things.
It's a horrible for me to OD and pretend to be sick just to get out of a midterm. There is no need to hurt myself. I would most likely tell someone about my OD because I don't want to risk permanent damage. Then I'll risk getting locked up again and that's counterproductive. I won't get any studying done while locked up. My Mom would be devastated. She made me promise her that I would never do such a thing again.
I don't want to be a human pin cushion again. No way.
I'm desperate. Please tell me why ODs are a bad idea.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:33:28
In reply to I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:19:30
It would be manipulative of me to OD just to get out of a midterm.
I have to learn to deal with things. ODing is not going to change the fact that I still have to study to pass my courses.
ODing will do nothing but make me feel miserable and waste resources.
What I should do instead, I should wake up extra early tomorrow to get in some studying at school before my midterm. I've studied a bit already for this class so it is unlikely that I would get a zero on my midterm.
But I'll do badly...I don't know what to do. I have to meet up with my tutor. How would I explain myself if I OD'd?
I can't face things. Now I'm thinking of ODing AFTER my failing my midterm. That way I won't be seen as being manipulative. Why am I thinking this? Why? What will ODing accomplish?
Do I want to die? NO. Maybe I want attention. :-(
It sure is a bad way to get attention.
Wish me luck tomorrow.
Deneb*
Posted by Bobby on March 14, 2006, at 20:44:51
In reply to Re: I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:33:28
I think you know the answer already. Tell them you have a stomach flu.
Posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:53:19
In reply to Don't go there, posted by Bobby on March 14, 2006, at 20:44:51
> I think you know the answer already. Tell them you have a stomach flu.
I can't do that. I don't want to lie. The doctors at the university health centre are probably trained to tell the difference between real and fake symptoms. They probably get a lot of people faking illness to get out of exams.
No, I have to face my midterm tomorrow. I just have to face it. The worse that can happen is I fail it.
I got myself into a mess. :-(
By skipping classes and not studying.
Deneb*
Posted by Bobby on March 14, 2006, at 20:59:51
In reply to Re: Don't go there, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:53:19
yoou would only have to start over. You can make the grade--I really think you can if you focus. Please don't harm you and your family. The only thing worse that a failed od is a successful one. you're young and there are so many great things that are your's for the taking----choose life--you'll see.
Posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 21:47:21
In reply to I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:19:30
Why am I writing about my bad thoughts? I'm only going to upset people. Why?
Haven't I learned that writing these thoughts leads to no good?
I have to learn to suppress my bad thoughts. I have to learn better self control and not blab all about them whenever I start thinking about them. Writing about them here can harm people by triggering them.
What do I want from writing about them here? Do I want people to tell me what a bad idea it is? Yes, but I already know that. I shouldn't need to have people tell me that. I shouldn't trigger people just because I need some sort of affirmation.
Tomorrow is fast approaching. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.
OK, I have to imagine how bad it feels and how scary it is. Yep, it's scary.
Just keep imagining how horrible my last experience was. That will stop me.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on March 14, 2006, at 22:11:34
In reply to Re: I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 21:47:21
Deneb, stop posting and go study. You're procrastinating. Now go do the studying you need to do like all the other students are dong right now. Fondly Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 23:03:14
In reply to I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:19:30
Dr. Bob, please don't block me for saying I'm thinking of ODing to get out of a midterm exam. I'm not making light of death or injury. I'm not thinking it as a light-hearting thing to do.
I know that it's serious stuff. I'm not kidding around. It sounds outrageous to think about ODing just to get out of a midterm exam, but that's exactly what I did about a year ago.
Right now I'm asking for reasons not to OD. That is why I wrote about it. I'm not making light of it at all. I know it's serious stuff. I could get locked up again. I could get pulmonary edema this time.
Deneb*
Posted by James K on March 14, 2006, at 23:05:02
In reply to Re: I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 21:47:21
Hey Deneb, you put a trigger warning on your thoughts, which is all anyone here has asked you to do officially (or unofficially) , so post what you feel. I say don't hurt yourself. I repeat. I say don't hurt yourself. If you are still reading and not studying or sleeping, just carry on with the proper business of life.
A bad grade, an uncomfortable scenario, whatever. they just happen sometimes. I learned (sometimes have to relearn) I don't have to prove I need help.
I just want good for you. You've made some progress, and you can't go 180 in a few months, or years (I've only known you a few months) but dont go backwards just for the heck of it. It would suck.
James K
Posted by fairywings on March 14, 2006, at 23:59:53
In reply to I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:19:30
Have you studied, do you know the material, have you prepared for the test, are you having anxiety? Do you need something like a benzo to help you with the anxiety? Having to start all over again would be worse than going in there, getting it over with, and maybe even getting a lower grade than you'd hoped for. Just do it - take the test, and don't OD - that won't get you where you want to be. And then you have to be honest with your pdoc about these feelings. She can't help you if you aren't honest with her - and don't worry about doing a 180 with her - you wouldn't be seeing her if you were perfect.fw
Posted by Tanzanite on March 15, 2006, at 3:58:16
In reply to I'm thinking bad thoughts *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 14, 2006, at 20:19:30
((((Deneb))))
Please do not hurt yourself. It would be better for you to go get help because of these thoughts and having to miss the test if you absolutely cannot handle it right now and make it up later for medical reasons. Please Deneb, we love and care about you and don't want anything bad to happen. You said you wouldn't want to lie about being sick to your stomach. Then why not get into your PDOC for an emergency visit and get an excuse for the day if you cannot handle this right now. Mental health problems are legitimate, and if you are in this state of mind then you should go to see your doctor or go to the hospital. It would be better for you to get a medical excuse, than to do something horrible to yourself that could endanger your life just because of a test. You are more important than this test. I consider you a friend. Please take care of you.
Chelle
Posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 8:36:00
In reply to DENEB (response to trigger post), posted by Tanzanite on March 15, 2006, at 3:58:16
I'm going to write the midterm in 25 mins. I'm going to do it. I don't think I'll do that well, but I'll try anyways. I'm not going to do anything bad for myself. I've decided to reward myself after my midterm.
Any ideas for rewards?
Thanks guys for being a voice of reason.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 10:44:25
In reply to Re: I'm OK *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 8:36:00
You know what just occurred to me?
I have extremely BAD problem solving skills!
The solution to not being ready for a midterm is not to procrastinate some more, sleep the whole day instead of study and OD to feign illness to get out of the midterm!
I got up a little early today to do some studying. Then I went to class and wrote my midterm. I just finished now. I think I passed, despite not really studying for it. I'm glad I wrote it. I always regret skipping exams and quizzes. Right now I really regret having skipped one of my environmental science quizzes. I'd been doing really well in that class too. Good-bye A.
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 11:09:41
In reply to Re: I'm OK *trigger*, posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 10:44:25
I think my latest crisis wasn't so bad, compared with my other ones in the past. I was able to think it through, with a little help from you guys. I'm getting better at dealing with the stress, little by little.
My pdoc told me I should give myself some reminders to think logically. I think I should make something like a keychain or something with the words, "Logic" on it. Anyone have any ideas on how I can remind myself to think things through in a rational way?
Deneb*
Posted by gardenergirl on March 15, 2006, at 14:21:38
In reply to Re: Phew, crisis averted, posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 11:09:41
Deneb,
What you write of seems to me to be severe anxiety. One of the biggest things I do/used to do (I'm still working on it) is AVOID things that make me anxious. It's clear from your posts that taking tests is anxiety-provoking for you. And you've mentioned a bigger issue might be anxiety about "growing up" and being indpendent in the world as a young woman.I think all of this is about anxiety. The thing with anxiety is that the more we avoid it, the bigger it gets and the more problems it causes. Facing it head-on like you did in taking the test anyway, despite your anxiety, is the way to deal with it and make it "smaller."
Finding ways to soothe yourself, to talk yourself through, and to cope with the actual feelings of anxiety right in the moment will help you APPROACH it rather than AVOID it. Soon, you'll learn that it's something you CAN survive, and it will get easier.
You're already on that path. Good for you. Keep doing the things that you found worked today, and keep reminding yourself that you can survive anxiety.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Tanzanite on March 15, 2006, at 20:13:22
In reply to Re: Phew, crisis averted, posted by Deneb on March 15, 2006, at 11:09:41
Yeah Deneb,
See, well I am so glad you were able to come through and proud that you were able to go take that test. WOOHOO Deneb. HUGS
Chelle
This is the end of the thread.
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