![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Barbaracat on September 17, 2004, at 16:53:36
Well, here we are at the Social Club. That is wonderful about your guy. He sounds like a real person, someone who has been there and will probably support you. Just as I'm sure he welcomes being able to share his own hard journey with someone who understands.
It's interesting how many people are going through really hard times emotionally and with life in general. When I find someone I think I can trust to share I've had serious depression, 90% of the time they confide that they have too. So many people 'confess' that they're on an SSRI, as though it were something to be ashamed of. Then there are those who totally go away, in denial of the subject. They're probably not ready to own up to their demons just yet. Dealing with this stuff takes so much time and energy and if you have a demanding job, a family, whatever, it can feel like opening a Pandora's box.
I just want to give you a head's up, however. Genuinely talking about it and sharing your experience from the clarity of your heart is necessary. Rather than acting out the weird stuff and hoping you'll get understanding for issues that may be too difficult for another to handle. Hate to harp on this, but I speak from experience.
I don't know about your process, but when I'm in the throes of a bipolar depressive mixed state I can get very very weird. I desperately want support and help and understanding for what I'm going through, but my mind is fractured and unresponsive to reason. It's scared away those I thought were friends whom I could turn to for support. One ex-friend told me 'You don't need a friend, you need an exorcist'. Made me feel real swell. But I realize now that I never felt safe with her anyway.
I guess what I'm saying is, being with a caring friend in depression, sadness, crying, trying to work something out - things we can all relate to as hurting human beings - is good and healthy. But find another avenue to work out the gnarly toxic weird stuff should it come up for you during this difficult time. Especially in the beginning stages of a relationship when the bonding process creates strong memories and impressions.
I've alientated quite a few people in my life during my toxic spells - ESPECIALLY when I've had alcohol. How to lose friends - get drunk while in a bipolar mixed state. It just takes one aw shit to undo a world of good mpressions.
I don't know why this seems so important to pass on to you except that this new guy sounds like a keeper. If you're feeling desperate or just want to talk, talk to me. I promise I'll never tell you that you need an exorcist.
As for moi, I am doing quite well. Lithium and St. John's are keeping me stable. No wild rides for many months now since restarting lithium. Of course, this past winter and past few years have been godawful with real life crises, deaths and losses, one after the other that would bring anyone to their knees. I think the worst is over, but even so, I know I'll never again go without lithium. I also think getting my hormones stable has been a key piece. Fibromyalgia seems to run a course and I think mine is beginning to lose it's grip. I've started dancing again which is my heart's delight and that helps with my outlook. About the only thing that really frustrates me is I can't seem to lose the pudge and it embarrases me. I'm not fat fat, about 30 pounds overweight, and lithium really does make it difficult no matter what I do. I really want to start a belly dance class in town, lot's of support and interest, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna bare this belly and shimmy this fat for all to see.
Hang in there, Katy. You'll come through this. I strongly suggest go see an integrative doctor or naturopath who might be able to sleuth out some underlying causes for the chemical/electrical imbalances. Your thyroid may be fine but you've got plenty of other hormones that might not be OK and it could be something simple. - Barbara
Posted by fluffy on September 19, 2004, at 14:30:40
In reply to Life in general -- Katy, posted by Barbaracat on September 17, 2004, at 16:53:36
Thanks Barb-cat--
Yeah--this guy is a keeper. We've been out a couple of times (and had a lot of fun) since I talked to you last. He's asked me how I feel, but he's not smothering. I feel a lot less pressure now around him. I don't feel like I'm hiding all of this stuff from him--and I'm not performing. But I didn't tell him everything--the things that only really i can feel, and that only I should probably know about and keep tabs on. For example, suicidal thoughts are really not the types of thoughts that I want to share with most anyone, including the doctors. So I just let them run their course in my head.
For whatever reasons, I've had a run of 3 normal days. Seems I've steered out of the BAD depression stuff for a little while, which sure is a nice breather. I don't really care if it means I'm "out of the woods". Really--are we EVER out of the woods? Just sometimes we get lost and tangled in them, and then when you think you can't chew your way out, its grip loosens. (ahhh) OR--someone helps loosen the grips for you...even nicer and rarer.
Just trying to stay healthy and eat and not get too preoccupied with med changes and what other people think (which is what consumes me when I get depressed).
I see my doctor tomorrow.
Let me ask you a strange question--what do you think my jaw clenching is all about? Really ever since I went off of anti-depressants, I've had this fluctuating bruxism thing. When I'm down, especially I clench harder (involuntarilly). When I'm up, it hurts like I'm grimacing. I personally think it is connected with dopamine. When I went on Risperdal, it helped the ups and the pain associated. But still I have this jaw pain, and I wonder how and why it is connected. Just an oddball question...
Anyway..I thank you again for all of your advice and support.
Katy
Posted by Barbaracat on September 19, 2004, at 15:58:32
In reply to Re: Life in general -- Katy, posted by fluffy on September 19, 2004, at 14:30:40
> Yeah--this guy is a keeper. We've been out a couple of times (and had a lot of fun) since I talked to you last. He's asked me how I feel, but he's not smothering. I feel a lot less pressure now around him. I don't feel like I'm hiding all of this stuff from him--and I'm not performing.
**It's amazing how having some good old honest fun with caring people can be so healing. For me, part of the pain when I'm really having a bad time is that I can't be around anyone. I just feel to sensitive and out of phase with everything. The isolation gets so lonely. So, when things click while you're in the midst of a low time, it can be magic.
>>But I didn't tell him everything--the things that only really i can feel, and that only I should probably know about and keep tabs on. For example, suicidal thoughts are really not the types of thoughts that I want to share with most anyone, including the doctors. So I just let them run their course in my head.
**Good idea. I totally agree with learning to keep one's counsel, which is what my last few posts were stressing. There are some things that are just too out there and alarming for others to deal with. And they come back to haunt you, like sharing the suicidal thoughts with doctors, which may really be just a passing blip. But then they're on gaurd and you're looked at and thought of a little differently afterwards. You wish you had just kept it to yourself cause there's nothing anyone can do about your own little hell anyway. That's where some private means of expression is so important cause you don't want those thought and feelings fermenting inside either. I choose writing in my journal during those nasty times. Even when I can barely tie my shoelaces, I can always pour out my scary feelings into my journal and get no weird alarmed looks or criticism back at me.
>
>>Really--are we EVER out of the woods? Just sometimes we get lost and tangled in them, and then when you think you can't chew your way out, its grip loosens. (ahhh) OR--someone helps loosen the grips for you...even nicer and rarer.**Well put, it is like a choking tangled vine. I take heart in the lives and words of the Masters who have lived among us. People who have somehow found a way to transcend the false self and can see through the illusion we're so caught up in. It also seems that every single one of them went through intense darkness, depression, doubt but then emerged from the dark wood and never allowed it to grab hold again. Yes, I think there is a way to live beyond the insanity and I hope I can find it.
>
> not get too preoccupied with med changes and what other people think (which is what consumes me when I get depressed).**It's a universal thing.
> >
> Let me ask you a strange question--what do you think my jaw clenching is all about? I personally think it is connected with dopamine.**Dopamine was my hit too. But too much serotonin can do the same thing. I recently had had it with my jaw tension which sometimes took the form of tongue tension/sucking and went to an ear/nose doctor. He said it's a common symptom of LERD, which is like GERD whereby stomach acid refluxes and causes the whole esophageal channel to spasm. I was on a med that stopped this and it did seem to break the tension loop to the point that I could stop the med. I think the LERD might be a contributing factor, but I think it's a stress symptom for me. For you, since you've been on definite dopamine meds, there might be a dopamine/serotonin glitch, especially since it corresponds with your med history. I'd love to find a therapist that deals with this kind of thing since jaw/tongue spasms and tension can affect the whole body.
In the meantime, I give myself deep massages in the jaw area, open real wide and stretch my mouth and jaw muscles. We hold so much tension there. I haven't found a good way to release the tongue tension yet, however, and that's where I hold most of it.
>
> Anyway..I thank you again for all of your advice and support.
>
> Sure thing, Katy. It's good to talk to you too. - Barbara
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.